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The Bible Game is the 11th episode of Scott The Woz Season 2 and overall the 61st episode. It is also the 12th Game-Specific Episode. The video was uploaded on April 1, 2018, by Scott Wozniak on Scott The Woz.
Description[]
Scott goes to Christianity and beyond by taking a look at The Bible Game! Happy Easter!
Characters[]
Credits[]
WIP
- Scott Wozniak as Scott Wozniak and Dennis
- Joe Robertson as Unnamed Back Flipper
Plot[]
WIP
Music[]
- Fortress Boss - Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island
- Aquatic Ruin Zone - Sonic the Hedgehog 2
- In the Pipe - Mario Party 2
- Rhythm Rally 2 - Rhythm Heaven Megamix
- Baby Bowser - Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island
- Your Name, Please - EarthBound
- Scott The Woz - The Bible Game Gospel - Mike Stoney, Scott Wozniak
- Breakout - 3D Dot Game Heroes
Cards[]
End Cards[]
- The WiiWare Chronicles I
- Top 10 Commandments (Another religious video)
- The Guy Game
Gallery[]
Transcript[]
Scott Wozniak: Hey all, Scott here. And I just had the health inspector in. They've expanded from small businesses to shows about stupid Nintendo games. Let's see what he had to say.
(Scott holds up a piece of paper with the health inspector's observation on it.)
Scott: (reading) "Great place, gotta work on the religion ratio though."
(Scott lowers the paper and looks to the side for a moment.)
Scott: Sh*t, that was a priest.
(Cut to an illustration of Jesus Christ.)
Scott (vo): Jesus Christ, Christianity's mascot, and one of the world's most popular authors, writing the best selling thriller, Bible. And let me tell you, I'm still trying to find an autographed copy from him online. After reading the SparkNotes summary on it, I think I'm finally ready to take on the video game adaptation of the book: The Bible Game. The game you can only experience with a nice polo and khakis on. Religion-based games have existed before, like Bible Adventures, Super Noah's Ark 3D, The King James Bible on Game Boy, so on and so on. And I think it's safe to say they didn't follow the source material the greatest, being a bit of a disappointment for all the Bible fans out there.
(Cut to Scott holding the case for The Bible Game in his hand.)
Scott (vo): But this is the first to have the audacity to claim it's THE Bible Game. Like...wow. God licenses his brand to these guys, this has to be the real deal. The fine people at Crave Entertainment published this and need to be thanked for finally injecting wholesomeness in the family living room. "Learn about the Bible while you have fun," "1500 questions on the Old Testament," "Music from the hottest Christian artists." My God, the marketing team at Crave obviously wanted every consumer who sees this game to say...
Scott: "Holy sh*t!".
Scott (vo): Looking at the Wikipedia article for this guy, we can see it's in the fabled video game genre, Christian. That definitely clears things up. I was wondering what The Bible Game was going to be all about.
Scott: "Interactive fun for all ages." Fantastic, I'm the most wholesome person I know.
(A timer dings.)
Scott: Oh, my cigarettes are done!
(Cut to Scott in his kitchen pulling out a tray of cigarettes from the oven.)
Scott: Old family recipe, but enough stalling! Let's not go to Hell and play some Bible Game!
(Cut to the title screen of The Bible Game. A very generic theme plays over it.)
Scott (vo): The main menu, and would you listen to this soundtrack. These must be the hottest Christian artists, just as I was promised. This sounds like wacky misunderstanding music, but they turned it into a theme song. I think that deserves to be commended.
(Cut to a menu screen, showing the four selections of TV Game Show, Challenge Games, High Scores, and Options.)
Scott (vo): We have so many options to choose from, but to avoid incompetency (Challenge Games), humiliation (High Scores), and choice (Options), I've decided to go the TV Game Show route.
(Cut to the character selection screen.)
Scott (vo): And would you look at the roster on this. Diversity at its finest.
(Scott chooses to play as a guy with a yellow and black cap, jersey, and shorts.)
Scott (vo): We get to pick our fighter, and I'm gonna go with this guy who seems like he's too cool for God but will slowly learn the error of his ways. And since video games are the ultimate way to fulfill your wildest dreams, I'm naming myself "Dennis."
(Cut to the opening cutscene for the game show, "Do Unto Others." Four contestants are standing by their respective podiums as an announcer begins to speak.)
Announcer: Are you ready to...
Announcer and Crowd: (in unison) Do! Unto! Others!
Announcer: Here's our host: Justin Warren!
(Justin Warren greets the crowd and the contestants.)
Scott (vo): Welcome to "Do Unto Others." The Christian game show hosted by this guy. I completely expected that hairstyle.
(Cut to gameplay.)
Scott (vo): The four participants are each given a chance to stop this roulette thing, and whatever it lands on, you get those points if you win whatever it throws at you. This could be Testament Trivia, which I rock at. I sext Bible verses to my closest friends, I can take on-
(The question "How many tablets of stone did the Lord give Moses on Mount Sinai?" appears onscreen for Testament Trivia.)
Scott (vo): What the f*ck is a Moses?
(Footage of the various minigames is shown.)
Scott (vo): Sometimes you're given these solo Christian exercises and have to do stuff like follow the light in the game of Simon, or press A for the angel and B for the Banquet TV dinners, or sorting the first ten amendments in order. But the stars of the show are the Challenge Games, where the Christian fanservice is unstoppable. Flee Egypt in Red Sea, have a memorable rectal experience in Jonah's whale, race horses in Walls of Jericho, all while a kicking soundtrack plays. It's not enough they got the guys behind the Bible for this game, but Christian rock stars too. Actual real life, for realsies, not for funsies, total Christian rock music plays during these games. So not only can you kick the piss out of some false idols, but kick the piss to some groovy Jesus tracks.
(Cut to Scott sitting at his desk with an Xbox controller in his hands. He turns to face the camera.)
Scott: Now this is how you get more people into church. I truly can't think of a better way to get more people into religion- Wait! I have to interrupt your little Bible Game riff for a breaking installment of Scott's Big Idea.
(Cut to Scott standing in front of a whiteboard with "Pitch: Church Loyalty Program", "Church Points!", "What?", "Wow!", "Right!?", "The Big Picture", and "Finally! A loyalty program for me!" written on it.)
Scott: All right, loyalty rewards program for churches: we make an app, you get church points every time you go, the points can be exchanged for enlightenment. Grade A business idea. Watch out, Fortune 500, I'm coming for your sh*t.
(Cut back to gameplay.)
Scott (vo): Take a leap of faith, trap some lions, eviscerate some snakes, this is like a stained glass window made out of code. But the name of the game is still "Do Unto Others," which means randomly, you're going to have to selflessly give something to your rivals as the host puts it.
Justin Warren: (to "Dennis") You kindly give control of the game screen to Red.
Scott (vo): Even though you're...being forced into doing it. As long as you keep winning, you can keep control of the board. But be forewarned, as the host has a baaad feeling something is coming.
Justin Warren: (to a contestant named "Isaac") Red, be very afraid. I feel a Wrath of God lurking.
Scott (vo): Yup. Randomly, the Wrath of God lurks, and it lurks hard. It'll poke a hole in your score and make it leak to zero. It's bad, man. It's a risk versus reward mechanic. Do you want to maximize your points and keep letting the roulette spin while you're risking having the Wrath of God lurk all over you? At the end of it all, we're presented with the Garden of Eden, where you're tasked with picking as many random fruits as you please. The more you pick, the more points you get. But watch it, as you may pick a snake by accident and blam! Zero points. So this is what Eve felt like. Then the points are tallied up.
Justin Warren: (to "Isaac") Red, you ended up in fourth place. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Look at it this way: next time, you can only do better.
Scott (vo): Unless you get fourth place again. The host limps over and starts talking to the winner about how he ate a pumpkin this big and credits roll. I think it's fair to say that The Bible Game is a game made for your atheist Mario Party-playing son. Maybe afterwards, he'd piece it together and realize God is pretty tight. Considering the Bible sold so well, it's pretty crazy to see The Bible Game only sold 50,000 copies on the original Xbox. If I were in charge, I would have slapped a "from producers of the Bible and carbon dioxide" on the cover to increase interest.
(Scott slaps a sticker with "from producers of Bible & CO2" written on it onto the cover of the game case. Cut to Scott at his desk; the wall behind him slowly fades to black as he speaks.)
Scott: Overall, I can't lie to you guys, that was incredibly mediocre. But...I have to admit that Garden of Eden mechanic was...pretty deep. See, it teaches people to succeed in life and to take chances while also not being overly greedy. That's incredible for a party game, and on second thought...I think The Bible Game deserves a lot more praise than it's given. It's unprecedented, unheard of... Unorthodox.
(Music begins to play as Scott starts to sing about The Bible Game. He is shown wearing a white Polo shirt while standing in front of his game shelves. As Scott sings, it cuts between footage of him and footage of the game.)
Scott: (singing) Finally, they made a game for me!
Fanservice for Christianity!
Regardless of faith, you gotta admit this game right here is pretty sick!
It's a crowd pleaser!
It's a converter!
It's a jack of all trades, it never fails!
Forget enlightenment, this will never grow stale!
(Cut to Scott holding a poster board, with hand-drawn imitations of the logo, art, description, ESRB rating, and barcode from the back cover of The Bible Game's case.)
Scott: (singing) Learn about the Bible while you have fun!
(Scott lets go of the poster board, revealing another poster board with "All thanks to" on it. He lets go of the second poster board to reveal a third one with the Crave Entertainment logo drawn on it.)
Scott: (singing) All...thanks to Crave!
A good scripture, no biggie!
(Cut to Scott singing outside in a field. Behind him, a man (Joe Robertson) attempts to perform a backflip, but ends up falling on his face.)
Scott: (singing) Or a commitment, I'm not picky!
The Bible Game, it does it all!
It's a trivia game in a bathroom stall!
(Cut to a bathroom door being opened, revealing a smiling Scott holding The Bible Game case in his hands. Then cut to more gameplay footage.)
Scott: (singing) Win a round, you'll feel all swell!
Come in fourth place, well, see you in Hell!
A game no other corresponds to Christianity and beyond!
(Cut to Scott, who's back in his house and singing in front of his shelves. He and the background slowly fade to black.)
Scott: (singing) A sin...or not, I'm not ashamed!
To give...this game...
(Gameplay footage is shown one more time. Then it cuts to Scott sitting at his desk as the song concludes.)
Scott: (unimpressed and frowning) 2 out of 10.
(Blue screen wipes down. Breakout plays.)
Trivia[]
- TetraBitGaming, Smash JT, gillythekid, and Wrestling With Gaming all commented on the video. TetraBitGaming said "How do I invest in Church Loyalty Program?", Smash JT commented "I'm not ashamed to give this video a 10/10!", gillythekid commented "the cigarette bit actually ended my life", and Wrestling With Gaming commented "My body (of Christ) is ready for this.". They all got their commented hearted by Scott Wozniak.
- This is the first episode with an original music number.
- On June 8, 2019, Reddit user MacroPlanters posted a post on r/scottthewoz with the title "This guy isn't given enough credit" with a picture attached of the scene with the unnamed back flipper (played by Joe Robertson) commented on the post saying "Hey all Joe here... Aka Larry Tessler, the guy eating shit in this scene. That was shot 9 or 10 and after landing it so many times my body decided to take a break mid flip. Ended up being by far the best timing and we thought it was really funny!".
- The creator of the post, MacroPlanters, responded to his comment saying "Really? I have to say, it’s much better that it failed at least for viewing. Probably hurt a lot though.".
- Joe Robertson replied to MacroPlanters' response to his comment saying "It wasn't too bad of a fall. I've had worse sadly.".
- Another Reddit user with the name of Pablinex replied to this comment saying "Hey how about a front flip for your next appearance!? You could be a character the flip dude!", Joe Robertson responded to this comment too saying "We did do a couple takes with a front flip however not as entertaining as the backflip bail".
- Joe Robertson replied to MacroPlanters' response to his comment saying "It wasn't too bad of a fall. I've had worse sadly.".
- The creator of the post, MacroPlanters, responded to his comment saying "Really? I have to say, it’s much better that it failed at least for viewing. Probably hurt a lot though.".
- The shirt Scott wears while singing The Bible Game Gospel is the same one he wears in the Original, Top 10 Commandments.