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Episode 150: It's a Bargain Bin Christmas

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It's a Bargain Bin Christmas is the 50th episode of Scott The Woz Season 3 (also the season finale) and overall the 150th episode. The video premiered on December 23, 2019, by Scott Wozniak on Scott The Woz. The video features the Foundation for Recent Murderees Charity Gala.

Description[]

Scott buys Battleborn and 200 other games. Happy Holidays!

Characters[]

Credits[]

Special Thanks[]

Plot[]

Scott Wozniak is bankrupt, so he goes to an agency and makes a deal that if he hosts a holiday charity event, he can become financially unstable instead of bankrupt. When realizing what he could give to the unfortunate, Scott Wozniak obtains an idea while thinking of Kinect Adventures!'s worth. Scott Wozniak proceeds to talk about the 'circle of life', which consists of a particular game releasing, being sold after the completion of said game, being sold again, and being sold another time while reducing its worth in the progress. He talks about the worthless games who just sit in game store shelves for elongated periods, to which he gives them the nickname 'bargain-bin games'. Scott Wozniak talks about the four categories when it comes to being a bargain-bin game: 'Worthless', games that are unplayable nowadays for one reason or another, whether it is that online features are unavailable, or a particular accessory is required to play the game is not included; 'The Yearlies', games in franchises that follow an annual release timeline, usually sports games, that become irrelevant once the next game releases; 'Been There Done That', games are known for their abundance, but are now left dormant, whether it is games that follow trends, or are bundled with a console or controller, games that are significantly low in quality.

Scott Wozniak then holds a charity for the Foundation for Recent Murderees, where he can give visitors bargain-bin games. He invites the murder victims of the Shaft Family Estate's Dinner Party. Eventually, they get angered as he gives them presents like American Idol for the PlayStation 2, FIFA 19 for the PlayStation 4, and Battleborn for the PlayStation 4. Scott Wozniak leaves the building, where he is greeted to The Ghost of Christmas Shaft, who tells him about how bad Scott Wozniak treated them, and acting like they were worth as much as bargain bin games. During Scott Wozniak and The Ghost of Christmas Shaft's conversation, the murdurees realize that they can sell the games and that Wii Play is actually fun. They then remorse to Scott Wozniak about their actions.

Music[]

Quotes[]

  • "I'm broke." - Scott Wozniak
  • "What the f***!" - Rex Mohs
  • "What the f*** is wrong with you?"- Kay Swiss
  • "It is I, the Ghost of Christmas Shaft." Chet Shaft
  • "Can I take out a loan?"- Scott Wozniak
  • "I..uhh..I feel like I've been murdered all over again."- Terry Lesler
  • "I've been murdered far too many times to accept LEGO Dimensions for Christmas!"- Jeb Jab

Cards[]

End Cards[]

Game Footage shown[]

  • The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening on Nintendo Switch
  • Dragon Quest XI: Echoes of an Elusive Age
  • Astral Chain on Nintendo Switch
  • Super Smash Bros. Ultimate on Nintendo Switch
  • Super Mario Maker 2 on Nintendo Switch
  • Mario Party 5 on GameCube
  • High School Musical: Sing It!
  • Glee Karaoke Revolution: Volume 3 on Xbox 360
  • CMT Presents: Karaoke Revolution Country on PlayStation 2
  • unknown SingStar mic required game
  • Disney Infinity 2.0
  • High School Musical 3: Senior Year Dance! on PlayStation 2
  • Band Hero on Xbox 360
  • unknown FIFA game*
  • MLB The Show 16 on PlayStation 4
  • FIFA 15*
  • Kinect Adventures on Xbox 360
  • Wii Play on Wii
  • unknown first person shooter
  • Alvin and the Chipmunks on Wii
  • Animal Crossing: Amiibo Festival on Wii U
  • unknown Madden game
  • Truth or Lies
  • The Naked Brothers Band

Gallery[]

WIP

Transcript[]

The following non-essential section is long, and may make scrolling and or performance worse.

[A Christmassy rendition of Breakout is heard. Text saying "Scott Wozniak Presents" in the Chomsky font fades in and out. more text saying "Scott The Woz Episode 150" also fades in and out. Finally, the "IT'S A BARGAIN BIN CHRISTMAS" logo fades in and out. It fades to a shot of a book with the Scott The Woz logo as the front cover on a table. The book opens.

As the James Rolfe Voiceover speaks, the pages of the book flip, revealing several clips that show Scott Wozniak in different animation styles, reenacting scenarios from the episodes: Nintendo Switch Wish List, A Look Back at the Nintendo 3DS, Stop Smoking!, The Worst Games of All Time, Polybius, A Very Madden 08 Christmas, Sonic the Hedgehog 2 | Return of a Laughing Stock, Game Stores, It's Awesome Baby!, The WiiWare Chronicles V, The Game Room, Wii Play | Eh, Why Not?, Desert Island Gaming, and The Great Mysteries of Gaming]

James Rolfe: This is the story of a boy who talked about stupid Nintendo games. Ever since 2017, he's done it 149 times and shows no sign of shame. Every single week he'd go “Madden ‘08 this” and “FlingSmash that”. It's really impressive how many sentences he could start with “Hey all,” Any professional could make the argument he's gone off the deep end, but I think it's just how he's always been. He just enjoys talking about these things regardless of what situations he gets himself into. Plus, he buys a lot of stuff, like a LOT of stuff, and he’s stated on multiple occasions he evades taxes. Like, Jesus Christ, I think he does it for fun! But with the Christmas season upon us, his passion may have finally brought him towards a bit of a crisis...

[The final page shown of the book is a real-life freeze-frame shot of Scott Wozniak by his desk]

Scott: Hey all, Scott here, and it's that time of year- the spending season; when it's okay to splurge a little bit and say: "You know what, I-I could use a toothbrush". Yesterday was my 'Go-To Buy FlingSmash' Day. The day before THAT was 'Buy The Rights To Socks' Day; didn't pan out, lost a few grand. The day before THAT I bought a few shares of Loot Crate.

[A screenshot of a news article titled "Loot Crate files for bankruptcy and plans to sell itself" by Los Angeles Times is shown]

Scott: I should probably read the news more.

Scott: And TODAY, I'm gonna get my gallbladder removed just for the hell of it!

[It cuts to Scott now wearing a hospital gown]

Scott: I'm broke.

[The scene changes to inside a building. Scott is sat at a desk opposite Kay Swiss]

Scott: Hi, Scott Wozniak, bankruptcy activist.

Kay: Kay Swiss, bankruptcy patrol.

Scott: So, I was hoping you could help me out a little bit here... according to the bank, government, and wallet, I have no money.

Kay: Are you sure? Most people who claim bankruptcy have a... forgotten gift card or something.

Scott: I was actually gonna ask you to see if you could check my account and see if I left an Arby's card there or something.

[Kay checks his computer]

Kay: I don't know what to tell you, man, you're… completely broke.

Scott: Oh my God! I don't know how this could've happened!

Kay: Really? You don't know why you're broke? You brought your entire stack of FlingSmash.

[The camera zooms out to reveal a stack of 25 copies of FlingSmash stacked on Kay's desk]

Scott: Never leave the house without it.

Kay: Never?

Scott: It's a bitch.

Kay: No one man needs this much FlingSmash! And why are they all wet!?

Scott: You don’t get it, do you? Bankruptcy is just a hobby of mine. I’ll quit it tomorrow and buy out the bank to replenish my funds.

Kay: You don’t have any money to buy the bank out with.

Scott: Can you give me a loan to?

[It cuts back to Scott in front of his desk at New Location McGee]

Scott: This is great. Right before Christmas, too. Is bankruptcy a crime, now? Is it illegal to be worthless? Well, if it is… I’m f*cked!

Scott: Now… I did come to an agreement with the bank…

[It cuts back to Scott at the bank]

Scott: Do you accept war bonds?

Kay: Listen, I’ll make you a deal. Do you want the bank to take every one of your possessions?

Scott: Would you take my crippling debt?

Kay: No.

Scott: Then God, no.

Kay: We have to do charity work every year. And if you can do fifty hours of charitable work in the name of the bank, we can help you out.

Scott: Oh, man I LOVE charity work! That’s the first time I’ve ever said that!

[The scene goes back to Scott in front of his desk]

Scott: Doing charity work is all you need to do to go from ‘bankruptcy’ to ‘struggling’, and helping out the less fortunate is what I’m best at! I’ve not killed my fair share of bed bugs- I always look out for the little guys.

Scott: So I just have to pick out a charity to benefit, which is tough - there’s so many. There’s the “Kill All Bed Bugs Association”- they would not like me. “Justice For Squirt - Bringing Awareness to America’s 98th Most Popular Soft Drink”- no, I hate politics… ooh! “The Foundation for Recent Murderees- A Charity Benefiting Those Who Have Recently Been Murdered”- that’s a great cause! Death is the most common cause for death so to bring awareness to that and to help those who have recently died should be more than enough for charity work!

Scott: Well, with the Christmas season approaching, I definitely wanna give those who are less fortunate gifts. The problem is… I have nothing.

[The camera zooms out to show Scott standing in front of his shelves filled with games]

Scott: Nothing at all.

Scott: I have to come up with something that’s affordable beyond belief but gives off the illusion of significance… wait… what was the value of Kinect Adventures? F*cking worthless- that’s it!!

[Stacks of games are shown popping into existence]

Scott: This cost me a nickel.

Scott: Video games are some of the priciest forms of entertainment out there. Most releases - sixty bucks a pop. Y’know how much house you could buy with that? I’m not telling you, ask a realtor. Games are expensive, there’s no getting around that. Which is why every single title enters… the circle of life.

[A circular diagram is shown, reading “Game in Game Store” > “Sold” > “Sold Again” > “Sold Again Again” (repeat)]

Scott: See, we start at sixty bucks when the game initially releases- that’s fun. People love a good joke. But, see, when people buy the game brand new and beat it all and have nothing else to do in the title… how are they gonna fund the next game they wanna buy? Well, they could work for money.

[It quickly cuts to Scott laughing hysterically into his desk]

Scott: You can sell that game and then use THAT money to buy new game! So, sell your $60 game for $40 after you’re done with it. Some sap will buy your used copy for $50, that sap sells their $50 game for $30, the f*cking moron who bought that game sells it for $15, the idiot who buys that game for $15 sells it for $5 and then the Me who buys it for $5 is pretty much stuck with it because why would I sell it?

[The GameStop trade value for the game is shown to be approximately 50 cents]

Scott: To use a phone booth?

Scott: Many games maintain their value for years; sometimes even increasing in price if there’s a high enough demand, but… what about the games that just… plummet in value? The games that rot on a game store shelf for years. Nobody buys them. Ever. And as time goes on, more and more copies pile up because… nobody wants these games- they’re completely worthless! The price keeps going down until it reaches rock bottom and even THEN nobody wants it! This, my friends, is the bargain bin game. Games that just refuse to sell. At all. Like, Smallpox sells more than Battleborn. Piles of these games crowd used-game store shelves - all for dirt cheap. Three bones, two bones, one bones, fifty cents- sometimes even pennies. But why aren’t people buying these games? Those are some crazy prices! Like, cmon, these are, in fact, video games- being able to pick one up for the price of integrity… well, that’s a steal. Well, allow me to dissect what it takes to be a bargain bin game with the four categories of the dollar bin.

[Text saying “Bargain Bin Genres WORTHLESS” is shown]

Scott: You think you have what it takes to be f*cking worthless? Take notes from the pros. Games that are pretty much unplayable in their current state- whether that means a game that was online multiplayer only and said online multiplayer has either been shut down for years or nobody’s playing it or the game is ‘Glee Karaoke Revolution Volume 3’. Yeah, I was surprised too when I pulled this off the shelf and saw the price.

[Scott is shown taking the game off the shelf]

Scott: WHAT?!

Scott: Well, when you do some critical thinking, it does make some sense. Pretty much any game that requires a peripheral and is sold with just the game they are pretty much all in the dollar below crowd. ‘DJ Hero’, ‘Band Hero’, Karaoke games, dance pad games… I mean, many of these titles- you pop ‘em in there giving you the stink-eye. “Yeah, Scott - where the Hell is your SingStar microphone?” There are the games that require toys to scan in; ‘Disney Infinity’, ‘Skylanders’, ‘LEGO Dimensions’... I mean, what are you gonna do without the toys?

[A message from trying to play Disney Infinity is shown, reading “Please plug in the Disney Infinity Base to continue playing.”]

Scott: Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Scott: Now, the dance pad games, you can usually play with a controller but look me in the eye and tell me you want this. Now, a few games maintain their value, even without their accessories. Some of the Guitar Heroes are still fairly pricey… but that’s because people miss Guitar Hero. Now, why is Band Hero only 99 cents in comparison? Because nobody misses Band Hero. What the Hell is the difference? You’re playing a band in Guitar Hero 2. These are games that are fundamentally paper weights in their current form. Stores like GameStop HAVE to accept them as trade-ins because… well… they ARE games. But NOBODY was buying ‘Starlink’ WITH the toys- what makes you think somebody wants it without? So, worthless equals games that are missing accessories that sort of make these games playable or online-only games that do not work anymore.

[Text saying “Bargain Bin Genres THE YEARLIES” is shown]

Scott: Games that are constantly getting new versions every single year. When the latest FIFA comes out, last year’s becomes completely irrelevant. And if you think FIFA ‘19 is worthless now, where does that put FIFA ‘15? You mainly see this with the sports games… FIFA, MLB, NBA, PGA, NFL, ABBA. You may ask “What’s the point of spending sixty dollars on the new versions when last year’s and the year before that and the year before THAT featured games that were pretty much the same but with a few differences?” To answer that question, I will answer this question: “What’s the meaning of life?”

[It cuts to him at his desk]

Scott: I dunno.

Scott: Some yearly titles do maintain value - even some sports games do. I’ve been jonesing for a complete Madden ‘08 collection but the PSP and Mac versions are somewhat pricey. I made some mock-up copies to get a good idea of what it would be like to actually be happy.

[Text saying “Bargain Bin Genres BEEN THERE DONE THAT” is shown]

Scott: Games that EVERYBODY owned for a while there but NOW… nobody cares anymore. Games that were fads or games that were bundled in with consoles or controllers. Like, pretty much every PlaySation Move owner got Sports Champions with it. Does that mean every PlayStation Move owner DIDN’T sell the game? I don’t even think any PlayStation Move owner still owns a PlayStation Move. The SEGA Superstars Tennis Xbox Live Arcade Combo Pack. Yeah- uh these were included with a ton of Xbox 360s which meant a metric 70 percent of Xbox 360 owners didn’t want the games because GameStops are made of these games. Peel off the wallpaper, you’ll find ‘em. Now, of course, there’s also the ‘fad titles’- games that nobody wants to play anymore because nobody wants to play them anymore. Kinect games and Wii Party games - like, I don’t even think the developers want these.

[Text saying “Bargain Bin Genres AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA” going off the sides of the screen is shown]

Scott: Yeah, these are just bad. Games that NOBODY wants because they’re just not good. Some of these games immediately hit the bargain bins within a year or two of release. Anthem, Knowledge is Power, That’s You! - look at these price points. They’re pathetic. Games that not only rot on the store shelves when they’re used and years old but games that do so when they’re brand new. Stores could never get rid of these things no matter how hard they tried. There legitimately… is just nobody who really wants these things! Yes, bargain bin titles can be pretty much anything but those four categories are the most common reasons they’re the undesirables. When somebody trades in one of these games at a GameStop, they’re fundamentally sending these games off to die. Nobody buys these! And if they do, half the time they harvest these copies for their cases to use on games they actually care about. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t inherent value to some of these games- Truth or Lies WITHOUT the microphone… that’s oddly enough better than Truth or Lies WITH the microphone - it’s completely unplayable in this state. I mean, The Naked Brothers Band for a dollar, cmon, these opening animations alone are worth admission. And, hey, buying a video game for so cheap- that’s fun! It’s like adopting a child that’s older than you. Like, this shouldn’t happen, but hey, it’s a cool story to tell - I got a game for fifty cents.

[It cuts to him at his desk, which is now covered in stacks of bargain bin games]

Scott: And what better gift is there than video games? These things were expensive at some point in time. Name better press than giving murder victims Battleborn. I… should really do something big for these guys… uh… throw a charity gala! I just need to find a way to fund it.

[It cuts to Scott at the bank again]

Scott: Can I take out a loan?

Kay: What the f*ck is wrong with you?

[The scene changes back to Scott in front of his games shelves]

Scott: I’ll just sell something! The only question is… uh - what?

[He scans through the games on the shelves]

Scott: I... could sell, uh, Ridge Racer 6?

[He snort-laughs]

Scott: That’s not f*cking happening! I’ll never sell my copy. I’m broke, not stupid.

[He puts Ridge Racer 6 back on the shelf]

Scott: Well, I’ll just look up how much debit cards sell for-

[He starts to walk to his computer but stops. The camera shows his desk. He thinks for a moment]

Scott: [resigned] Alright.

[He walks towards the desk and it cuts to him outside carrying his desk. There is a signpost reading “CASH FOR DESKS DROP OFF AREA”. He drops off the desk. The scene changes to inside a building with Scott talking to the camera]

Scott: Welcome to Scott’s Charity Gala for Recent Murderees! A place where we address certain problems in this world with kindness!

[He walks over to the door and slams it closed in the face of Kay Swiss]

Scott: Not ready yet.

[Scott is sitting in front of the food tables]

Scott: This is gonna be the greatest charity event of all time! And I’m not just saying that to ensure the bank doesn’t repossess my items!

[The camera zooms out to show Kay Swiss is at the gala and taking some snack food. It cuts to Kay talking to Scott]

Kay: Listen, man, we need some great press. This event needs to be stellar. We wanna see some HAPPY murder victims.

Scott: Oh, you don’t have to worry about that. I got a secret weapon.

[Kay is shown looking deadpan at him. It cuts back to Scott holding a box of candy canes]

Scott: Spree flavored candy canes.

[It cuts to Kay still looking deadpan then back to Scott showing the box]

Scott: Cashier told me it would be a hit.

[Kay is still expressionless]

Scott: I may have banked too much on this.

[The scene briefly changes to show the outside of the building before going back to inside]

Scott: Alright. Food, Spree, presents… I think we’re ready.

[He goes to the door and opens it to let the murderees in - Terry Lesler, Jeb Jab, Wendy's Employee and Rex Mohs]

Scott: Welcome, murderees, to the First Centennial Charity Gala for Recent Murder Victims.

[The attendees are shown]

Wendy’s Employee: I knew it was a good idea getting murdered!

Scott: Oh, yeah! We all went to that dinner party together, got murdered, got treated for it… how was all that?

Terry: Well. Have you ever died?

Scott: Not personally, but I’ll get around to it eventually.

[It cuts to show the murderees in the background at the food tables. Rex is sitting at a round table by himself attempting to eat through his face bandages. Scott is talking to the camera]

Scott: This is great! I know these guys!

[A flashback of The Great Mysteries of Gaming shows the dinner party attendants at the table and then shows everyone except Scott dead on the floor]

Scott: ...we all went to Chet Shaft’s dinner party. Great food. Ended in murder…

[It cuts back to Scott talking to the camera with the attendants in the background]

Scott: ...But everybody was diagnosed with murder (except for me)... these guys got treated and look at them now!

[The camera shows the murderees at the tables. It cuts back to Scott talking to the camera. In the background, Rex is using his phone and taking a selfie, Jeb is inspecting a pie, Wendy’s Employee is drinking from a cup and Terry is walking on his crutches]

Scott: But that’s the thing- they all survived and they all already like me, so I just have to make sure they rave about this gala, so I’m just gonna try and sweeten the deal for all of them.

[The camera cuts to show Terry and Jeb at the food tables. Jeb is inspecting a piece of salami and Terry is opening a water bottle]

Scott: Terry and Jeb - vegans. I laced their meat with tofu.

[The camera cuts to show Rex and Jeb sitting at the round table. They’re playing Rock, Paper, Scissors. Rex keeps playing paper and Jeb keeps playing scissors.]

Scott: Rex Mohs - school dance chaperone. I color-coordinated all the things that aren’t beer so he knows what he should and shouldn’t eliminate.

[Finally, the camera cuts to show Wendy’s Employee discreetly taking a cookie and putting it in his apron]

Scott: Wendy’s Employee - Wendy’s employee. I heckled some Arby’s drive-throughs before I came here. I didn’t even know he was coming tonight- it works out perfectly!

[It cuts back to Scott talking to the camera again]

Scott: Listen, these guys have seen it all. It must’ve been Hell to go through the recovery process after being murdered. But… it’ll all be worth it after they get their gifts.

[Scott grins. In the background, Terry (using his crutches) falls over loudly. The scene then changes to show everyone sitting at a round, decorated table. They all have bottles of water. Terry is spinning his water bottle on his plate by its neck with a candy cane]

Scott: Heyyy! There’s my favorite murder victims!

Wendy’s Employee: Hear that? We’re his favorites!

Scott: How’re you guys liking the gala so far?

Jeb: I hate it. Reminds me of when I got murdered.

Scott: How?

Jeb: That.

[Jeb points at the banner of the wall that says “Welcome MURDER Victims”]

Scott: What am I supposed to call you guys?

[Terry drops his candy cane]

Terry: I’m a big proponent of the term “hospital junkies”.

Scott: Well I’m more of a fan of the term “charity messiah”.

Jeb: What’re you… talking about? That describes no one in this room.

[It’s quiet for a moment. The camera shows Rex, whose face is still wrapped in bandages, looking at nothing. Scott gestures towards him]

Scott: What’s wrong with him?

Wendy’s Employee: Oh- you see- well, he was simply bludgeoned to death, but at the hospital, the doctors wrongfully diagnosed him as a burn victim.

Scott: Can’t he just take them off?

Terry: Not if he wants to recover.

[Rex lets out a pained, muffled scream]

Scott: Well, I think it’s a good time to make my speech.

[He walks over to stand at a podium to make his speech. He looks around the room and nods]

Scott: The holiday season is one of the greatest, yet, most stressful, times of the year. Whether it’s because of money problems or getting murdered- it’s easy to forget the true purpose of Christmas time; it’s to set aside our differences and enjoy the company of each other; to express gratitude and empathy to those truly special in your life and to those in need regardless… of any differences that separate us all. This event is in support of the Foundation of Recent Murderees. My colleagues Terry Lesler, Jeb Jab, Rex Mohs and Wendy’s Employee… were all recently murdered and are now in recovery. I truly cannot think… of a greater pain to endure. Maybe gout. I propose a toast - this event had a single sponsor, being Ice Mountain Mini Bottled Water - “When you’re thirsty but not that thirsty. Ice Mountain Mini Bottled Water Available Now.” So, please… raise an ounce.

[He raises a bottle and takes the cap off]

Scott: To you. Merry Christmas.

[He takes a drink and gags as he swallows]

Scott: Jesus. That tastes small.

[Scott leaves the podium and goes to stand with the rest of the group, holding four wrapped gifts]

Scott: So to end things off, to make your insufferable pain more fun… I got you all gifts.

[He holds out the gifts. The camera cuts to Rex who desperately rips his bandages off]

Rex: Is it a cure for zero degree burns?

[Music starts to play]

Scott: Oh, even better! Listen, take ‘em… open them up… and let me know when you guys forget that you were totally murdered a few months back.

[They all start opening their gifts. Terry, Wendy’s Employee and Jeb are shown ripping the paper to reveal that they are wrapped bargain bin games. Terry has American Idol, Wendy’s Employee has Band Hero and Jeb has Battleborn]

Terry: [confused] What is this?

Scott: ♫We got American Idol on PS2,
It’s $2.99-
Of course it blew!♫

Scott & Chorus: ♫Karaoke Revolution...♫
Scott: ♫With no microphone,
That might be fun!♫

[The camera shows Scott throwing the games at the murderees as he sings them]

Scott: ♫DJ, Band and-♫
Scott & Chorus: ♫Guitar Hero,♫

[The group looks confused and don’t attempt to dodge the games being thrown at them]

Scott: ♫Just the games,
Price point: zero.♫

Scott: ♫Games are games,♫
Scott & Chorus: ♫Ignore the fuss!♫

Chorus: ♫It’s a bargain bin Christmas...!♫

Scott: ♫FIFA there and everywhere,
99 cents-
That’s not even fair!♫

[More games are thrown]

Scott: ♫Skylanders,
It was just a phase!
I turned these copies-♫
Scott & Chorus: ♫Into a maze.♫

[A maze made from copies of Skylanders for WiiU and PS4 is shown]

Scott: ♫LEGO Dimensions,
That really exists?
I guarantee you-♫

[An article headlined “‘Lego Dimensions’ Officially Cancelled” is shown]

Scott: ♫-It was a miss.♫

[It cuts to Scott rapid-fire throwing games from a stack]

Scott: ♫Games that are the anti-ass!♫

[The group looks confused]

Chorus: ♫It’s a bargain bin Christmas...!♫

Scott: ♫Just take Battleborn, you swine!
Play it before-♫

[Multiple articles stating that Battleborn is going offline are shown]

Scott: ♫-It goes... offline.♫

Scott: ♫Madden-♫

[Scott throws three more games as he sings]

Scott & Chorus: ♫‘16, ‘17, ‘18♫
Scott: ♫Not as good as ‘08,
Pretty... blatantly.♫

[More games are thrown. Wendy’s Employee bats some of the games thrown at him away with the game in his hands]

Scott & Chorus: ♫But who cares?♫
Scott: ♫It’s at a great price!
Presents that’ll make anybody say-♫
Scott & Chorus: ♫”Nice!”♫

[Scott is shown holding a large stack of bargain bin games]

Scott: ♫Gifts with value and some class!♫

[He throws the stack. It is shown falling onto a pile of games in slow-motion]

Chorus: ♫It’s a bargain bin Christmas...!♫

Chorus: Yeah!

[The music ends. Rex, Wendy’s Employee, Jeb and Terry are still standing still looking confused. There are games all over the floor. No one moves]

Rex: WHAT THE F*CK?

Scott: Pretty cool, right?! Those are games! Video games! And I gave you, like, fifty of ‘em!

[Jeb sifts through a handful of games. Rex is drinking from one of the mini water bottles]

Jeb: Yeah, but… these are terrible!

Terry: I… uhh… I feel like I’ve been murdered all over again.

[Wendy’s Employee points aggressively at a copy of The Naked Brothers Band. Rex is standing next to him, chugging another water]

Wendy’s Employee: Is this even legal?!

Scott: [flustered] Guy-guys, I’m sorry! I- just didn’t have enough money for gifts! It’s all I could’ve done!

[Rex is drinking another water in the background]

Terry: Oh, you didn’t have enough money for ACTUAL presents, but you had enough money for that sign?

[He indicates towards the “Welcome MURDER Victims” banner]

Scott: Honestly, I’ve had that in my trunk for years.

[It cuts to Wendy’s Employee holding a copy of NBA Live 14. Rex is sat in a chair behind him drinking another water]]

Wendy’s Employee: What even is this?

[Cuts to Scott]

Scott: That’s NBA Live ‘14.

[It cuts back to Wendy’s Employee. Rex is drinking another bottle- without his hands this time]

Wendy’s Employee: Well, knowing that makes this present worse!

[It cuts to Jeb holding LEGO Dimensions. Rex is drinking another water over a trash can]

Jeb: I’ve been murdered far too many times to accept LEGO Dimensions for Christmas.

[It cuts to Terry holding Madden games. Rex is in the background again drinking another water over the trash can]

Terr: And what am I to do with all these Maddens? ‘25, ‘15, ‘16, ‘08…

[The camera shows Scott, who angrily charges towards Terry. Wendy’s Employee holds him back as he struggles against him]

Scott: You son of a bitch! YOU SON OF A BITCH!

[Jeb stands protectively in front of Terry. Rex is in the back, sitting against the wall and drinking another bottle]

Jeb: Woah...! Alright, we weren’t the ones who just gave out trash for Christmas.

Scott: Well, excuse me for loving bankruptcy. I’m only doing this to get outta the hole!

[Rex is lying on the floor pouring water into his mouth from above]

Wendy’s Employee: Wha- you’re only doing this for the money?!

[Rex is leaning against the wall with one hand while he drinks]

Terry: And you gave us Battleborn?!

Scott: I-I-I’m-I’m sorry, okay? Listen, lemme try to make it up to you. Terry, Jeb - ha-have a burger.

[He holds out a burger to them. Terry and Jeb look offended. Rex is drinking from two bottles at once in the background]

Terry: We’re vegan.

Scott: Yeah, I know - no cheese.

[Rex is next to Wendy’s Employee chugging a water from the bottom of the bottle like it’s a beer can]

Wendy’s Employee: Listen, just stop, okay?

[The camera cuts to show Rex sitting on a chair. There are 18 empty mini water bottles on the table next to him. He is drinking another. He keeps drinking even as he gargles and spits the water back up on himself]

Scott: What’s goin’ on?!

[Rex is shown writhing on the floor, still drinking. Terry and Jeb lean over him in concern]

Terry: Oh God. He’s been drinking too many of the Ice Mountain Mini Bottles! He’s… WAY overhydrated!

Jeb: Somebody get him some sand!

[Everyone except Scott crouches around Rex who is still on the floor. He sighs in exasperation and leaves. Outside, he kicks a game box that is standing up down the stairs. He sits on a step and sighs]

Scott: I try to do something nice for them and they blast me for it! They hate me! This charity event’s gonna bomb, the bank’s gonna take all my stuff… argh!

[An echoey voice is heard]

Voice: Scott…

[He looks around in confusion]

Scott: What?

Voice: Scott…!

Scott: [frowning] ...Sounds like Chet Shaft!

[A blue blob appears. It takes shape to form a ghostly Chet Shaft]

Chet: It is I, The Ghost of Christmas Shaft!

[Scott does the O face at the camera]

Scott: Chet! Everybody else who was murdered at the dinner party recovered! You were murdered! And you-

Chet: Were murdered. I just died.

Scott: [excitedly] Oh man! You’re a ghost, you can answer this…! Would it be vegetarian to eat a ghost cow?

Chet: What kinda question is that?

Scott: So, picture this, right- standard cow, kill it, eat it- the American dream. But, like, if a ghost cow appeared before me like you are right now and I harvested it for its ghost meat… like, I’m eating a cow… but I didn’t kill a living thing TO EAT that cow. So… what would it be?

Chet: I’ve only been dead for a few months. I’m not a professional ghost yet. I just do it on the weekends.

Scott: Well- why are you here?

Chet: Because I’m a ghost and you need help. Let’s talk.

[The camera cuts back to inside the gala. The murderees are sat at the round table again]

Wendy’s Employee: Seriously, this is my worth to him? Kinect Adventures?

[He throws three copies of the game down]

We: I’m a Wendy’s employee for God’s sakes!

[Jeb is shown holding NHL 16]

Jeb: Yeah! You know, I’m sick of people assuming I want NHL ‘16! Like… stop!

[Terry is shown holding Rock Band 2]

Terry: Guys. Look at this. What am I supposed to do with this?

[Rex reaches across the table to take it from him]

Rex: Actually- I could sell this to my Rock Band 2 guy. He loves stuff like this.

[Jeb reaches over to take a game off the stack in front of Terry]

Jeb: You know, actually? I could really use a new copy of Truth or Lies. Mine got burnout.

Terry: And, you know, I… could use another emergency copy of Kinect Adventures.

[He takes a copy from in front of Wendy’s Employee. Wendy’s Employee suddenly jumps forwards]

Wendy’s Employee: Oh my God!

[He holds up Wii Play]

Wendy’s Employee: There’s a Wii Play!

[The camera cuts back to outside. Scott and The Ghost of Christmas Shaft are sat on the steps together]

Scott: I tried to be nice to them. I got them all that stuff and… they just acted like I was treating them like garbage!

Chet: Well. You did get them Battleborn.

Scott: I just… I just really need ‘em to like me and what I did an’... now I’ll have nothing.

Chet: See- that’s the problem! You weren’t doing a lot of that stuff out of the goodness of your heart- you were doing it because it benefitted you. Most people can see right through insincerity.

Scott: [grinning] Not me. I invest in Ponzi schemes when I’m bored.

Chet: They obviously saw that you bought them those games cause they were worthless. You treated them like they were worth Band Hero. Band Hero!

Scott: But I did so much for them! I sold my desk to fund the gala!

Chet: Follow me.

[The Ghost of Christmas Shaft stands up. The camera cuts inside where the guys are playing with the game cases. Rex is swinging a case like a baseball bat to hit the water bottles, Jeb is trying to balance an open one on his head, Terry is trying to spin one on his finger and Wendy’s Employee is making an open one flap like it’s flying]

Jeb: You know, after trading these games around… I’m pretty happy with this!

Terry: Yeah, I’d rather die than be caught with Battleborn buuut Kinect Adventures, on the other hand? This uh- just saved me buying my fourth copy.

Wendy’s Employee: Maybe… we were a little hard on him.

[Terry smacks the games]

Terry: To be fair, guys, he… he did give us Battleborn.

[Rex holds up the Spree candy canes box]

Rex: And what the Hell is this? ‘Spree’?!

[The camera cuts back to show them all. They groan in disgust]

Rex: WHAT THE F*CK?!

[The scene changes to show Scott and The Ghost of Christmas Shaft walking somewhere outside. Scott is trailing after him]

Chet: Just right this way.

Scott: I hate yards!

[The camera cuts to be inside a house. Scott and The Ghost of Christmas Shaft are at the window looking in]

Chet: The desk you sold is here now.

Scott: Why is the desk in a dress?

[Scott glances at the camera, frowning]

Chet: It has a new owner. That’s just how he uses it.

Scott: He’s feeding it tea. Wh- wha- why is he playing tea with the desk?

[Scott glances at the camera again]

Chet: That’s just what he wants to use it for.

Scott: Well, yeah, but it’s a desk!

[Scott keeps glancing at the camera as The Ghost of Christmas Shaft speaks]

Chet: The point is - look how happy he is! Giving up your desk to fund an event for those in need and having it go to someone who will love it just as much as you did? You should be proud of it.

[Scott looks down contemplatively. It cuts to the gala again]

Wendy’s Employee: You know, even if we didn’t like some of these gifts, we found some we did like. And just because some of these are worthless to somebody, doesn’t mean someone else won’t find value in them.

Rex: That’s a good point. Like, I hate organised crime, but that doesn’t mean I wanna ruin their fun!

Jeb: You know, he left a receipt here…

[He leans forwards to read it]

Jeb: Looks like he sold his desk to fund this!

[The camera cuts back to show them all again. They groan in disgust]

Rex: WHAT THE F*CK?!

Jeb: You know, I didn’t have a desk for twelve years- and look where I am. Murdered.

Rex: I haven’t shaved in twelve years.

Wendy’s Employee: You shaved when you were ten?

Terry: Seriously, no desk? What kinda freak has no desk?

Wendy’s Employee: A freak who’s willing to give it up to give others something nice.

Rex: Yeah. Like these Ice Mountain Mini Waters. Tastes like a fresh puddle.

[He starts drinking one. The camera cuts briefly to show the outside of the building. It cuts again to show Scott walking up the steps to the door. He stops]

Scott: I don’t know… they already hate me- what’s the point?

[An echoey voice is heard]

Voice: Hey, Scott. Let you know, man, just listen sometimes you gotta do things to make it… alright, man, regardless… of how hard they just make it be.

Scott: I don’t know who the f*ck that is, but thanks!

[Scott is shown walking up to the murderees, who are waiting for him]

Scott: Listen, guys-

[Jeb points at him]

Jeb: That’s “Mr. Guys” to you!

Scott: I’m sorry. I treated you all like you were worthless and that’s just not the case! Sure, I started doing this to get out of bankruptcy… but… I realised there’s so much more to this than just what benefits me.

Terry: Well, we wanna apologise also. We should be more grateful for what we were given. And we were way too harsh at first. And to be quite honest,

[He holds up Kinect Adventures]

Terry: This copy of Kinect Adventures really hits the spot.

Jeb: Yeah and I needed some firewood and, you know,

[He holds up Skylanders Superchargers Racing]

Jeb: Skylanders Superchargers is just that.

Wendy’s Employee: I didn’t know what I was doing on Tuesday, but now I know!

[He holds a copy of Rock Band. It cuts to Rex holding DJ Hero 2 open under the flowing eggnog keg]

Rex: And DJ Hero 2 makes a pretty mean plate.

Wendy’s Employee: We know how much you went through to make all this for us, so we wanted to get you this:

[He holds out Madden 08 for Mac out to Scott]

Scott: Madden ‘08 on the Mac?!

Terry: And this.

[He holds out Madden 08 for PSP to Scott]

Scott: Madden ‘08 on the PSP?!

Rex: And this.

[He holds out 08 Collection for PC to Scott]

Scott: The ‘08 Collection for the PC?!

Jeb: And this!

[He holds up Battleborn. Scott stares at him]

Scott: Nah I’m good.

Scott: Oh my God, I finally have all the Madden ‘08s!

[The cover athlete on the box, Vince Young starts to talk]

Vince Young: Scott, sounds like you did good, man. You did good, bro.

Scott: VINCE YOUNG?!

Vince Young: You really did it- keep up the great work, man. We all proud of you, man.

[The camera shows the murderees watching Scott talk to the game]

Scott: Yes, of course!

[He sniffles happily]

Scott: You’re so much smaller than I expected you to be!

[Terry glances around, concerned]

Terry: Is he okay?

Rex: Might be dehydrated. I know just the trick.

[He holds up a mini water and walks over to Scott, who is still grinning at his Madden 08s. Rex attempts to pour the water in Scott’s mouth but he jumps away and starts spluttering. Rex ends up accidentally splashing water over him. It cuts to New Location McGee. The desk is still gone and everything that was on it is now on the floor. Scott walks in slowly and looks at where his desk used to be. He fondly adds his new Madden 08s to his collection. He notices a piece of paper on the floor and picks it up to read it. It says “Great job at the charity event! Your bankruptcy is cured. -Kay Swiss”. The doorbell rings. Scott gets up to answer it and walks into his living room. There is a large wrapped box in the center of the room. Scott inspects it and finds a note on the top which says “Found one just like the old one. Merry Christmas -Chet and Vince”. Scott looks up and out of the window]

Scott: [sincerely] Thank you.

[The camera shows outside where it is snowing. The Ghost of Christmas Shaft fades into existence. He does a double thumbs up and smiles. Vince Young appears on the moon]

Vince Young: Keep up the great work, bro.

[Scott starts to unwrap his gift. He frowns]

Scott: It’s missing a leg…?

[It cuts to Scott sitting in front of his desk. The desk is at a steep angle and is missing its front right leg. Scott nods]

Scott: It’s close enough.

[It cuts to reveal the final page of the storybook, which is a real-life freeze-frame shot of Scott by his new desk. It fades away and the book closes. Music swells and it cuts to blue. The logo for "IT'S A BARGAIN BIN CHRISTMAS" appears.]

[Credits roll featuring a Christmas rendition of Breakout]

[The Scott The Woz logo appears with “Season Three” under it. More credits roll for Season Three]

[The Scott the Woz logo appears again. It wipes to black]

[End.]

Related Articles[]

Trivia[]

  • The episode was originally supposed have a scene showing Kay Swiss putting a stick on Scott Wozniak's tongue,[2] however, it was scrapped.
  • This is the last episode released in the 2010s.
  • Vince Young was originally going to narrate the video in rhyme. However, due to most of his lines being recorded in either a car or a echoey room, he was replaced with the James Rolfe Voiceover.[3]
  • While talking about charity, Scott Wozniak said that it's the best way "to go from bankruptcy to struggling", which may be a reference to the title of On Your Mark, Get Set...Munch!! - From Struggling to Bankruptcy.
  • The video was originally going to be published/premiered on December 22, 2019, but was delayed by one day to December 23, 2019, as Scott Wozniak hired Vince Young on Cameo to do a scene in which, at the time, was yet to be given. This was confirmed via his twitter on December 24, 2019.
  • Several people who have connections with Scott Wozniak commented on the premiere's live chat.
    • TetraBitGaming, a moderator on the Scott The Woz YouTube channel and collab partner of Scott Wozniak, commented various messages. He commented "​H E Y A L L", "​RIP Wii U", "​FLINGSMASH HYPE", "​War Bonds LMAO", "​Damn, Nice Xbox 360 collection Scott", "​CONTRAAAA", "​Beatles Rockband is dope", "This is kinda sad tbh 😕", "​okay epic", "​Nice Gala", "​SPREEEEEEEEEEE", "​Laced their meat with tofu hahaha", "​Real wholesome hours", "​HOLY LETS GOOOOO", "​Spotify link??", "​Lmao I love the guy at the trash can", "​OD on H20 lets go", "​OMG Wii Play", "​RIP desk ​😕", "​I love how that guys whole purpose is to tell WTF", "​OMG", "​Bankruptcy is CANCELLED", "​Bravo", and "​​👏👏👏👏👏👏".
    • Jarred Wise, the actor of Steel Wool, commented "​Shhh its starting" and "​Merry Christmas guys!".
    • Rebaka-Chan, an animator for the episode, commented "im offended i like destiny lmao".
    • Nicholas Karr, a musician who did work on It's a Bargain Bin Christmas as well as other Scott The Woz episodes, commented "​Hell yeah".
    • Alex Carducci, better known online as RelaxAlax, a collab partner of Scott Wozniak, commented "❤️ BRAVO".
  • Many animators for the video published a video of their animated scene from the video on their Twitter, some also posted other Scott The Woz related posts around the time of the release of the episode.
  • In the video, Scott Wozniak receives the Mac, PC, and PlayStation Portable versions of Madden NFL 08 as well as EA Sports 08 Collection from the murderees, completing his Madden NFL 08 collection.
  • The logo for the episode took inspiration from the 1946 film It's a Wonderful Life and "typical Dickensville branding."[4]
  • The animation of Stop Smoking! by Leah Dejohn misses the items on Scott Wozniak's desk.
  • The animation of The Worst Games of All Time by GeorgeGW features several references to other Scott The Woz episodes on the papers Scott Wozniak is analyzing.
    • "Gravity Rush" presumably being a reference to Gravity Rush | Tales from the Backlog, which (as the title suggests) covers the video game Gravity Rush.
    • "GW" is the signature of GeorgeGW. The figure that's also seen in on the paper is an original creation by GeorgeGW.
    • "Q&A-e Award Winners" is presumably a reference to the Q&A-ies, an award system during TooManyGames 2019.
    • The paper saying "Epic Paper" has a picture of the video game character Kirby on it, presumably referencing GeorgeGW's animated Kirby-based series Kirby Epic Paper and Kirby Epic Paper 2.
  • Deon Parson, better known as $uprDee2, added his own character, Plush Maria, to his animation of The Game Room.
  • Rebaka-Chan's animation of Desert Island Gaming adds The Internet and You, Dick Vitale's "Awesome Baby" College Hoops for Nintendo Switch, and Madden NFL 08 for the Nintendo Switch to the windows of the Five Below.
  • The video had a score of 3.8/5 based on 51 votes on the social network Letterboxd prior to the episode's page on the website being taken down.[5]
  • This episode marks the first appearance of Kay Swiss.

References[]

  1. ↑ It's a Bargain Bin Christmas - Scott The Woz English subtitles
  2. ↑ Bloopers - It's a Bargain Bin Christmas
  3. ↑ Commentary - It's a Bargain Bin Christmas
  4. ↑ Scott the Woz - Logo Projects (2018 - 2020)
  5. ↑ Scott the Woz: It's a Bargain Bin Christmas (2019) directed by Scott Wozniak
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