Episode 157: Animal Crossing: amiibo Festival - The Dark Age of Nintendo

Animal Crossing: amiibo Festival | The Dark Age of Nintendo is the 7th episode of Season 4 of Scott The Woz and overall the 157th episode, as well as the 1st episode of The Dark Age of Nintendo. The video was uploaded on March 15, 2020, by Scott Wozniak on Scott The Woz.

Description
Scott hates himself.

Characters

 * Jerry Attricks
 * Scott Wozniak
 * Rex Mohs
 * Jeb Jab

Credits

 * Scott Wozniak as Scott Wozniak
 * Justin Womble as Jerry Attricks
 * Eric Turney as Rex Mohs
 * Sam Essig as Jeb Jab

Plot
WIP

Music

 * Sweet and Lovely - Alan Braden
 * Stadium - Mario Tennis: Ultra Smash
 * Main Theme - Mario Party 10
 * Mr. Resetti - Animal Crossing
 * Double Cherry Pass - Super Mario 3D World
 * Creating a Mii - Miitomo
 * Airship (Super Mario World) - Super Mario Maker
 * Menu - Amiibo Tap: Nintendo's Greatest Bits
 * Title Screen - Animal Crossing
 * Title Theme (Animal Crossing: Wild World) (Remix) - Super Smash Bros. Ultimate
 * Menu - Super Smash Bros. 4
 * Main Menu - Animal Crossing: Happy Home Designer
 * Board Game (Sunny) - Animal Crossing: Amiibo Festival
 * Me for You - George Callert
 * Tortimer Island Medley - Super Smash Bros. 4
 * Board Game (Rainy 3) - Animal Crossing: Amiibo Festival
 * Board Game (Snowy 2) - Animal Crossing: Amiibo Festival
 * Dodging Danger -
 * Main Theme - Animal Crossing: New Horizons
 * Bubblegum K.K. - Super Smash Bros. for Wii U
 * The Roost - Animal Crossing: New Leaf
 * Breakout - 3D Dot Game Heroes

End Cards

 * Special Edition Controllers
 * Club Nintendo
 * The Rise and Fall and Rise of Amiibo

Gallery
WIP

Transcript
[The video opens with a therapist seated on an armchair holding a clipboard and pen]

Therapist: ''So. Tell me where it all began.''

[The camera shows Scott Wozniak lying on a couch. He sighs]

Scott: Alright.

[He gets up and sits on the edge of the couch]

Scott: ''Hi. My name is Scott and I’m… not an alcoholic.''

Therapist: My name isn’t Scott and this isn’t an meeting.

Scott: ''Oh, thank God! I always hated those- I always felt out of place; I wish they would make ‘em more accessible to non alcoholics.''

Therapist: You’re stalling!

Scott: I’m sitting.

Therapist: We can do this the easy way or the hard way.

Scott: I’m paying you!

Therapist: With a coupon!

[He holds said coupon up]

Scott: You don’t know what it’s like to go to therapy!

Therapist: ''Hey, I gotta life outside of this job. I go to therapy twice a week.''

Scott: ''You’re a therapist! Where do you go to therapy?!''

Therapist: The mirror.

Scott: Alright, fine…!

[He pauses]

Scott: It all started at my desk.

[It briefly cuts to Scott at his desk]

Scott: Hey all, Scott here.

[It cuts back to the therapy session]

Therapist: So is this the first time you introduced yourself like that or is this a recurring thing?

Scott: Pretty much every week.

[It cuts back to the desk]

Scott: Saaay… do you want me to play three of Nintendo’s worst games of all time to end up wasting thousands of dollars in therapy?

[It cuts back to the therapy session again]

Therapist: That was some incredible foresight.

[Scott is now lying down on the couch with his legs crossed]

Scott: I plan my year ahead of time.

[It cuts to black]

Scott: Picture this:

[Sonic Boom Rise of Lyric is shown]

Scott: ''Making bad games. It’s like making bad water.''

[He shows a cup of water that he has filled with pepper. He knocks it over onto the floor]

Scott: ''It’s almost impossible. But some people just can’t help themselves! Almost every video game company has stumbled at some point - whether they had to rush a title out for release or just weren’t focused enough during development, mistakes happen and one bad or misguided game doesn’t mean an entire studio’s talentless or doomed. Just because SEGA made one ‘oopsie’-''

[Nights Journey of Dreams is shown]

Scott: -doesn’t mean they’ll make another one any time soon.

[Sonic Boom Rise of Lyric, Aliens Colonial Marines, Golden Axe Beast Rider, Sonic the Hedgehog (2006), Super Monkey Ball Banana Blitz, Valkyria Revolution and Sonic Forces all appear]

Scott: ''...Bad example. But regardless of how many stinkers are put out each and every year, people will always hold certain developers and publishers in the HIGHEST regards. These studios can NEVER make a bad game! They always push for quality, they always care about their products and you will NEVER… be disappointed… in what they make. One of these companies… is Nintendo - a developer and publisher widely believed to put out nothing… but quality titles.''

[It cuts to Scott at his desk, holding a large notepad]

Scott: I’ve finally figured out what this statement is!

[He turns around the notepad he is holding to show the words “A LIE.” written on it]

Scott: ''Listen, I love this company; Nintendo is my favorite game studio of all time - I love most of their games, their developers, their philosophies, their style, their history… they are, to me, the most interesting player in the video game industry. And their level of quality since their inception has yet to be matched… It's simply astonishing how time and time again they’ve been able to create so many experiences that are considered genre-defining- and consistently, at that. From the original Super Mario Bros. in 1985 to The Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild in 2017… they’ve been THE studio to look up to. ...BUT there’s sort of a misconception to many that Nintendo doesn’t make bad games. The idea many push that “Nintendo always puts the most quality possible into each and every game they release. They never rush things. They never go for quick cash-grabs.”... THAT is hilarious- will you be here all week? I love this company but I’m more than willing to point out their shortcomings. And one year I felt that harder than any other year… 2015.''

''This was during the WiiU and Nintendo 3DS era- the anti-renaissance. Definitely not their strongest in terms of sales and revenue. Nintendo’s handheld business has always been their most successful, and while the 3DS was doing well… it wasn’t nearly as big of a breakout hit as the Nintendo DS or GameBoy line of systems. And then there was the WiiU! Also known as... “What?” Yeah, that wasn’t doing all too hot so Nintendo decided “F*ck it. Let’s give up.”

[A news article headlined “Nintendo to develop mobile games” is shown]

Scott: ''Up until this point, investors were dogging on the company quite a bit to put their titles on smartphones. Their idea was:''

[He shows Angry Birds 2 on his phone]

Scott: “Angry Birds is doing it- why not Starfy?”

[He shows The Legendary Starfy]

Scott: ''But Nintendo was always stern about keeping their games on their devices- especially considering mobile gaming was a threat to dedicated handhelds like the 3DS. However, in March of 2015, the company officially announced that sinning was on the schedule. It just made sense to develop mobile games. At this time the 3DS was mostly appealing to just core fans and the WiiU appealed to just me. Nintendo’s brand wasn’t as widely recognisable as it could be in this era, so they decided: “Let’s make a sh*tty Mario Kart game for smartphones in 2019”. But did the switch to mobile games mean Nintendo was going to put an end to console development? GOD, no! Because, they announced development of a future console at the same time - the Nintendo NX. So that meant in 2015, not only were WiiU and 3DS titles being developed, but mobile and ‘NX’ games as well. Nintendo was obviously being stretched a bit thin, here… the Nintendo NX wasn’t going to be released until March of 2017 but they were feverishly working on it in the background to ensure THIS-''

[A WiiU is shown]

Scott: ''-Doesn’t happen again. But they still had to put out WiiU and 3DS games and with some of their titles getting delayed a bit from a 2015 launch… they had to scramble. They had to whip up games that reused old assets, had little content to ‘em or were just ungodly simple so they could have products to sell that year. This went on from 2015 to 2016. Low quality spin-offs that barely anybody wanted or games that showed promise that ended up completely under-delivering. I’d say 2016 had less going on… just overall the amount of titles released wasn’t that high and the quality… wasn’t much higher. But this problem started the year prior.''

''It was weird because 2015 no doubt had some great games developed and/or published by Nintendo. Splatoon, Super Mario Maker, Yoshi’s Woolly World, Xenoblade Chronicles X - but we also had Devil’s Third, Pokémon Super Mystery Dungeon, Mario Party 10, Mario VS Donkey Kong Tipping Stars, Animal Crossing Happy Home Designer, Little Battlers Experience, amiibo Tap, The Legend of Zelda Tri Force Heroes, Code Name: S.T.E.A.M - ALL getting anywhere from mixed to negative reception from critics and fans alike. Tri Force Heroes and Happy Home Designer were okay in my opinion. Devil’s Third had its moments and I always put Mario Party 10 on the shelf like this:''

[He shows Mario Party 10 on the shelf facing backwards]

Scott: ''I never wanna see those three words together ever again. These games, while not terrible, just… didn’t have the same level of quality as what I came to expect from Nintendo. They all felt a bit soulless in one way or another. Like, these weren’t made because “Oh, we wanna do this!” instead more like “Oh, we need a Zelda game this year!”. However…''

[Three silhouettes of games are shown]

Scott: There were three games released in 2015 I believe to be nearly irredeemable; Some of the biggest mistakes Nintendo’s ever made; Games I consider to make up… The Dark Age of Nintendo.

[It cuts back to the therapy session. The therapist shrugs]

Therapist: Big deal.

Scott: That is… the best thing a therapist could say to me.

Therapist: You shouldn’t let the products of a multi-billion dollar children’s company affect your mental health.

Scott: You don’t understand - I have to play most Luigi-based products!

[It cuts back to him at his desk]

Scott: ''Well I think it’s a good time to practice anything but sobriety! So, let’s take a look at three of Nintendo’s worst games of all time - which, weirdly enough, all released within two months of each other. First one we should tackle-''

[He holds up Animal Crossing amiibo Festival]

Scott: -is -

[He screams]

Scott: Animal Crossing amiibo Festival - the rise of the machines.

[The WiiU gamepad is shown. The screen says “Touch an Animal Crossing amiibo to the NFC touchpoint.”]

Scott: “Touch an amiibo”...?

[He touches an Isabelle amiibo to the NFC touchpoint. It dings and he yells in fear, throwing the amiibo]

Scott: ''So, a little backstory; Animal Crossing. ...One of the most comfortable gaming experiences in the county. It’s just life! You collect stuff to get money to pay off your loan to buy more stuff- it’s depressing. This is what life is, why do I like this? Truth be told, I am far from being one of the bigger Animal Crossing fans out there. It’s not that I don’t like the series - far from it. I just haven’t played each entry to death like many others have. But the games I HAVE played… are SO relaxing and cosy. They’re just fun to boot up, run a few little errands, turn it off and depress for the rest of the day.''

[He is shown leaning on his desk]

Scott: ''There was a bit of criticism directed towards the series for a while, there, though. See, it initially released on the Nintendo 64 in Japan only - that version made its way to the GameCube worldwide with a few extra enhancements… but it was still the same game at heart. Then when Wild World came to the DS, many noted it was pretty similar to the GameCube one with a few enhancements added. City Folk released on the Wii and it was pretty similar to the DS one with a few enhancements added. Where were the changes-?''

[The Animal Crossing amiibo Festival title screen is shown]

Scott: ''-F*CK! GO BACK! These games kept adding on to each other but not enough for some to be all too thrilled… but then New Leaf for the 3DS came out and it changed up enough to be a breath of fresh air for everybody. You were the mayor of your town - you could change so much about your village! It’s the one thing Animal Crossing needed and they finally did it - government intervention! New Leaf was a tremendous success and all signs were pointing to the next iteration of Animal Crossing releasing on WiiU around 2015. I mean, it had to happen…! Right…?''

''I mean, in 2013, Nintendo released this app called Animal Crossing Plaza on the system. It was all these characters in HD and you could create MiiVerse posts about them for others around the world to read. Considering this free app was made so 3DS owners who played New Leaf could talk about the game only on WiiU, a platform that did not have an Animal Crossing game, was only available for a year until it was discontinued and can no longer be accessed…''

Scott: I smell pointless!

Scott: ''It was, by all accounts, the MiiVerse Plaza- that thing that appears when you boot up your WiiU, showing all these Miis and what people are saying about different games- …it was that… but for Animal Crossing characters. Like you could say “Aw, f*ck! I love this guy’s pants!” and then others could respond with “Why am I on this app?” I think the main take-away from this… thing… was that Nintendo produced all these HD quality models of the Animal Crossing characters. I think it was pretty evident that this was a test when it came to developing an HD game in the series. However, nothing initially came of this; New Leaf kept selling, Animal Crossing Plaza kept not getting used… and all was right with the world.''

''But then in 2014, Nintendo announced and released ‘amiibo’- figures with NFC chips in their base that allowed you to scan them in to supported games via the WiiU gamepad, and eventually the 3DS, to play with the character or unlock extra goodies. It launched with Super Smash Bros. for WiiU and was a tremendous success. Mainly because they released amiibo of all characters; Smash Bros. is a crossover of every series under the sun so everybody was interested in the line to some extent. This meant in the following year, Nintendo would lean heavily into Satan’s plastic. More lines of amiibo like Super Mario, Splatoon, Yoshi’s Woolly World, were all put out and did very well… but the actual use of these things in games was… always non-essential. In Smash Bros., you could scan a figure to fight it, raise it, and level it up as your own little Smash Bros. prodigy. That was pretty much the furthest they ever went with implementing it. Mario Party 10- you’d use ‘em in amiibo Party Mode, where you scan an amiibo to roll the dice.''

[Mario Party 10 is thrown onto a floor]

Scott: ''Yoshi’s Woolly World and Mario Maker- you could scan a bunch of different ones to get costumes, which was awesome… But not all amiibo were supported in every game. It was kind of up in the air which amiibo would be supported in which games. So I think we were all expecting a game to be released that took full advantage of amiibo; a game that couldn’t exist without it.''

Scott: [fearfully] We should have known better.

Scott: ''But in the back of everybody’s mind, we were also thinking another thing: “New Animal Crossing game for WiiU… with Animal Crossing amiibo support.” It was so perfect - it just HAD to happen! Animal Crossing was a game so focused on collecting and hundreds of different characters. Introducing figures? That just made a ton of sense. Well, Nintendo jumped on this fairly quickly and April of 2015 we got Animal Crossing amiibo cards, announced alongside a spin-off title for 3DS - Happy Home Designer. ...This was a sign.''

''They were building up to a WiiU game, I could smell it, and Happy Home Designer would interact with it somehow- they weren’t pulling a fast one on me; I eat virginity for breakfast- I GET these things. E3 2015 came around- guess what leaked beforehand? BOOM - Animal Crossing amiibo figures. It was happening. Nintendo’s E3 2015 digital event kicked off… halfway through, a Happy Home Designer trailer played then those glorious words “World Premiere” flew up on screen- cuts to a WiiU gamepad.''

[Scott is shown at his desk. He jumps forwards in excitement]

Scott: Holy sh*t.

Scott: And… an Animal Crossing figure gets scanned onto it…!

Scott: HOLY SH*T!

Scott: ''Animal Crossing’s on WiiU! I called it! I CALLED IT!”

[The E3 2015 Animal Crossing amiibo Festival trailer plays for about 14 seconds. It then cuts to Scott looking painfully distressed at the camera. It then cuts back to the therapy session]

Therapist: So you got incredibly depressed over the announcement… of a game… in a series… that you aren’t even a huge fan of to begin with in the first place?

Scott: [smiling] That’s right.

[The therapist stares blankly at Scott for a moment. It cuts to him standing in front of his mirror, yelling into it]

Therapist: WHO THE F*CK IS THIS GUY?!

[It cuts to show carpet]

Scott: On your left you will see-

[The camera swivels to the left to show paper reading “ANIMAL CROSSING AMIIBO FESTIVAL E3 TRAILER]

Scott: -no doubt, one of the worst and tone-deaf video game announcements of all time.

Scott: You can’t tell me somebody at Nintendo didn’t realize what opening a trailer with this shot insinuates.

[The opening shot of the trailer (An Isabelle amiibo figure being tapped on the WiiU gamepad) is shown]

Scott: Nobody goes:

[The trailer is shown playing on a TV. Scott waves his hand at it as he talks]

Scott: ''“Oh my God! An Animal Crossing board game?!” Because that’s what it was. A party game that used amiibo figures to roll the dice.''

[Mario Party 10 is thrown onto a floor again]

Scott: ''Nearly everybody was disappointed and confused but while this wasn’t what I wanted in the slightest… I had higher hopes than I think some did. And the idea of an Animal Crossing party game wasn’t bad. ...That’s all it had going for it. The idea wasn’t bad. Because, my God, not only was this game’s announcement a disappointment, the gameplay shown… What is this? Later on at E3, tidbits about why the game existed were coming out… one of them being how the developers just wanted a reason for Animal Crossing amiibo to exist.''

Scott: I can think of worse reasons for the apocalypse.

Scott: ''Another one- albeit, this was just a Nintendo of America employee kinda just talkin’ up the game a bit on the E3 Treehouse stream- was that they said it was nice to have an Animal Crossing game that didn’t require reading to enjoy. ...Most of this game is text. Suffice to say, amiibo Festival was not received well; it just sorta got announced and then released later that November. Nothing really came out about the game until a Nintendo Direct in November highlighted it. ...A day before it released. There was a rumor floating around about the game being a free download and you’d just need to buy an Animal Crossing figure to experience it.''

[It cuts back to the desk. He holds up his Animal Crossing amiibo Festival box]

Scott: [musically] Sixty dollars that I spent!

Scott: ''So this is Animal Crossing amiibo Festival - it comes in this box with two amiibo figures and three amiibo cards in this nice little envelope. Now, apparently Digby here was only available for a limited time - future releases of the bundle wouldn’t include him. ...If only the game sold well enough to warrant them doing that. Amiibo Festival bombed. Stores are still putting it out on clearance to this very day. Like I said, the original plan was to phase Digby out of the bundle - but that never happened because I think stores are still trying to sell the initial batch of the game from 2015. Well, there are other Animal Crossing amiibo that launched alongside it… might as well nab a few to get the full experience.''

[A list of Animal Crossing amiibo figures from the inside of the game box is shown. This includes Isabelle, K.K., Mabel, Tom Nook, Digby, Lottie, Reese and Cyrus. It then cuts to him at his desk. He has ten Animal Crossing amiibo figures set out]

Scott: I didn’t even try and I own nearly all of ‘em.

Scott: ''All I did was go to Five Below, a GameStop and a quick dabble on eBay and here we are. Under sixty dollars later, I own pretty much all of these except for Rover, Celeste and smrIsabelle-grrrrr…! These figures also rot in clearance bins. Nintendo definitely expected them to fly off the shelves like the Smash Bros. line did… but they didn’t understand that - 1. That line appealed to everybody because it included dozens of different game franchises. Animal Crossing, while incredibly popular, only appeals to Animal Crossing fans, and - 2. Nobody wanted figures that were only useful in a bad game. So you can pretty much find all of these for dirt cheap - I mean, I know I did! Five bones a piece at Five Below- where garbage goes to die. I picked up two packs of Animal Crossing amiibo cards as well… these did far better, sales-wise. They got up to four different series released. I assume it’s because collecting hundreds of Animal Crossing cards is a lot more fun and addicting than buying one figure. So, opening these up I got:''

[He cuts open a packet and now holds a stack of cards. He names them as he reads the card off the top and throws it aside. He has: Chief, Bella, Limberg, Jitters, Lopez, Luna, Benjamin, Lionel, Deena, Gigi, Kyle and Tom Nook]

Scott: Shirt Wolf, Spunk Rat, Unemployed Mouse, Insomnia Duck, Better-Than-Me Gazelle, Bride of an Aardvark, Self-Conscious Dog, Ye-Olde Lion, Hair Duck, Sex Frog, Kyle and Mammal.

[It cuts to him at his desk, holding the cards]

Scott: Alright, so now I own multiple Animal Crossing amiibo cards, I have nearly all of the Animal Crossing amiibo figures, and the game is officially in my WiiU.

[It cuts to the therapy session]

Scott: And then… It happened.

Therapist: The gout?

Scott: No.

[The camera zooms dramatically into his face]

Scott: Virginity.

[The game booting up on the WiiU is shown. The title music plays and the title screen appears]

Scott: ''Alright!- “Tap an amiibo on the WiiU gamepad!”... let’s go with Spunk Rat!''

[He holds the card for Bella up to the NFC touchpoint. On the gamepad, the game pops up a message saying “Touch an Animal Crossing series amiibo figure.”]

Scott: ''It’s gonna be one of those games, isn’t it? ...This is an amiibo! Why can’t I enter?''

Scott: ''Alright, fine! We’ll try Clearance Otter.''

[He scans the amiibo figure for Lottie instead. It cuts to an image of a large quantity of Lottie amiibo figures on a store shelf]

Scott: If you ever wanted an otter on clearance, buy a Lottie amiibo.

Scott: Tapping a figure brings us to the plaza - our main option here is the board game.

[It cuts to the desk again]

Scott: ''Well I couldn’t possibly play Animal Crossing amiibo Festival by myself- what do I look like? A f*ckin’ loser? I at least need to play Animal Crossing amiibo Festival… with one other person.''

[It cuts to the therapy session]

Therapist: ''Oh. F*ck no. F*ck no! I’M NOT PLAYING IT! NO! NO!''

Scott: I’m telling the story in past tense.

[It cuts to Scott at his desk. He is holding his phone to his ear]

Scott: I am forwarding this message to everybody in my contacts list - if you stop by tonight we can play-

[He stops and looks at his hand. He has written “WHEN IN DOUBT, LIE WITH GEX” and taped a small picture of the Gex cover art for Playstation on his palm]

Scott: ...Gex.

[The doorbell rings. It cuts to him opening the door. Rex Mohs is there, leaning over and panting]

Scott: Did not take you as a Gex fan.

Rex: ''I’m not. I knew you were lying… and I’ll do anything… not Gex-related.''

Scott: Even amiibo Festival?

[He reaches into his pocket and holds up a Blathers amiibo figure]

Rex: Yeah.

[ Jeb Jab suddenly appears from around the doorframe, looking excited. Rex looks surprised]

Jeb: ''Is it Gex night?! I’ve been waiting for this for years!''

Scott: ...Yeah.

[It cuts to the Animal Crossing amiibo Festival title screen on the TV. A piece of paper with the word “GEX” written on it is stuck to the screen. The three are shown sitting on the couch. Jeb points at the screen and grins at the other two]

Jeb: Oh, I love Gex!

[Scott is shown tapping the Lottie figure to the gamepad]

Scott: ''So, we enter the world of Gex by tapping our amiibo in and on with the board game! Now we have 12 boards to choose from - all the months throughout the year. Honestly, it’s a great idea in terms of transitioning the series into a board game… it’s all about life and the time of year translating over to the game. You can still find positives in Hell! We get the rules explained to us and this is gonna take an hour and a half to finish.''

Rex: ''Do we really have enough stamina to last that long? I haven’t eaten since yesterday two weeks ago.''

Jeb: Yeah, and I know Gex- an hour and a half is really low-balling it.

Scott: ''Okay. We’ll buy some food.''

[The scene changes to show them in the drive-through of a Sonic. Scott, partially leaning out the car window, turns to address the other two in the back of the car]

Scott: ''Alright, what do you guys want? I only have enough money for one thing we can all share.''

Rex: [dismissively] Doesn’t matter to me.

Jeb: [dismissively] ''Yeah, I’m starving. I… couldn’t care less right now.''

Scott: Alright,

[He leans out the window]

Scott: Hi- uh- I-I’ll take one corndog…!

[It cuts back to the therapy session]

Therapist: You went to Sonic?

Scott: Not just that- I ate there!

Therapist: Shoulda came sooner.

[The scene changes to the group back on the couch. Rex takes a bite from the top of the corndog]

Scott: So when you have some players to play a real life video game with, before you start a game-

[Rex offers the corndog to Scott, who takes a bite from the side of it. Jeb taps an amiibo figure to the gamepad]

Scott: ''-you need to make sure you and your team are nourished. This is gonna take a whooole lot of effort-''

[Scott offers the corndog to Jeb. He takes it and bites from the side of it]

Scott: -and time and the last thing you want anybody to do during a game of Animal Crossing amiibo Festival…

[Jeb offers the corndog back to Rex]

Scott: Is leave to do something else.

[Rex takes the corndog and goes to take another bite before it cuts back to gameplay]

Scott: ''When commitment is your middle name, it’s time to play! Scan your amiibo when it’s your turn and lift it to roll the dice. Move the spaces given - you wanna gain Happy Points and Bells. Land on spaces that either make you happy or give you money. Some spaces only do one or the other or both. But some spaces take away one or the other or both. Every space you land on, you get a little story play-out that explains why you gained Happy Points and/or Bells or why you lost them. I have never meant anything more in my life than what I’m about to say; cute, I guess.''

''Sometimes events happen where characters show up and if you land on a certain space they may give you an item to use. These items are all sorts of basic cards that let you move whatever amount of spaces you want. They’re f*ckin FUN. Joan appears every now and then and sells you turnips. You buy a bunch and then the market does the talkin’. Each space then has a different selling price for your turnips, so it’s up to you to decide when it’s time to sell your stock. Investment’s a core part of the game… again - “great for people who can’t read.” And that’s amiibo Festival. When every player takes a turn moving, the next day starts and you repeat until the month is over, your Bells are converted to Happy Points at the end and are added to your overall total and whoever has the most Happy Points wins. Now, you can set a time limit so the game ends after a certain period rather than lasting an hour and a half but that’s not the amiibo Festival way, dammit. Rev up your endurance glands because we’re in this for the long haul.''

[It cuts to the couch. Jeb gestures at the screen]

Jeb: He’s a gecko with sunglasses!

Scott: ''But, yes - we constantly have to scan our amiibo to roll the dice each and every time. Is it strategic? Is the dice roll slow to compensate for the fact it has to read a chip in the figurine? Is scanning an amiibo to roll dice fun? Don’t quote me on this… but no. If you wanna play with up to four players but you only have one to three amiibo, the remaining players can play as a human villager and all THEY have to do is hit A- c’mon- that’s no FAIR! Using an amiibo to do this is clunky and annoying. Primarily because you constantly have to do it. Other games that support amiibo - it’s a one-and-done; you scan it, and then you set the figure down. Here, you constantly have to and it is graying mainly because I know there is a beautiful little button that can roll the dice for me and then some right there.''

[An image of a WiiU slowly zooms in to the X, Y, A and B buttons]

Scott: ''It’s even programmed into the GAME! But, I have to keep scanning something I bought at Five Below. But here’s what I really don’t like; after you scan, you then have to use the stick and A button to confirm which direction you want to go in when you reach different path options. One of my biggest pet peeves in games- specifically on the WiiU- is when they force you to use the controller in a way that makes you reposition your hands when it is COMPLETELY unnecessary. Paper Mario Color Splash on the WiiU did this; it’s default control scheme had you pick cards to play with the touchscreen, then force you to quickly shift your hands back to the buttons to time your actions properly. I ended up switching to the ‘all button’ control scheme because sure, there are more steps required with this than with the advanced touch controls option, but here… I don’t need to reposition my hands constantly.''

''In amiibo Festival, I have to scan the figure, use the buttons… sometimes I’m forced to use the touchscreen for no damn reason. If the developers just had to… ABSOLUTELY force you to scan the amiibo to roll the dice… why not have the rest of the controls on the touchscreen? That way you can leave the gamepad on a table without it being sorta kinda awkward to use when picking a direction. Like, why not be able to select the direction to go in on the touchscreen? Oh, that’s right, you can’t because the EMOTION BUTTONS are on the touchscreen! F*ck yes! The game had some weird consistency issues when it comes to what’s exclusively on the gamepad screen and what’s not - there’s really nothing that ever happens where I think “Oh man I wanna hide what I’m looking at from the other players!” Also,''

[It shows the guys on the couch. Rex is holding the corndog in his mouth and hands the gamepad to Scott so that he can scan his amiibo figure]

Scott: ''We all just used one gamepad - pass it around like a corndog. It just makes things… unnecessarily cumbersome. The game itself REEKS of Mario Party. I mean, Happy Points are basically Stars and Bells are Coins - of course, more Coins mean more of a chance to get a Star in Mario Party, which is what you’re really after and it’s no different with amiibo Festival. The difference is, most Mario Partys have a minigame play after each player rolls their dice and move. That adds an element of skill; you wanna do good at the minigames to get more Coins to get more Stars. After everybody rolls in amiibo Festival… you roll again! There’s no minigames, no nothin’! This game is just constantly rolling the dice and moving around the board. Sure, you have the element of the f*cking onions- I guess you have to strategize when’s the right time to sell THEM, and no, even that’s total luck! You can’t strategize landing on a space where you can sell them for a fortune - it’s all up to the dice roll! “But Scott,” you may say,''

[It cuts to the couch. Rex is eating a corndog, Jeb is using the gamepad and Scott is sitting to face the camera]

Scott: WHAT?!

Scott: ''-”You can get special cards that give you the ability to move a specific amount of spaces.” Yeah, sure, but if you even get the opportunity to get a card like that - completely random! If you get the number of spaces you’d actually need in the future - completely random! It’s all luck- you build up your Bells for 45 minutes-''

[The gameplay shows the event “I bumped into a friend, literally, and our money spilled out of our wallets. We couldn’t remember how much we each had, so we split it.”]

Scott: -all for a damn owl to bump into you and take half your money!

[The group is shown on the couch. As he talks in voiceover, Scott throws his amiibo figure in the air, catches it and taps it to the touchpoint]

Scott: The most strategy you can put into this game is doing a trick when scanning your amiibo.

Rex: Now that,

[He takes a bite from the corndog]

Rex:  ’s badass.

Scott: ''I mean, if amiibo Festival nails anything, it’s the ambiance of Animal Crossing. Every space ya land on tells you the story of what happened to your character that day… it’s all well-written, I guess, but- keep in mind- there is WAY too much dialogue for this being a party game. I have multiple people in the room, KATIE. You don’t need to explain your purpose each and every time somebody runs into you.''

''Presentation-wise, like, yeah, it’s still Animal Crossing - it looks okay. But it just kinda feels like they barfed New Leaf in HD without all too much care put into it. It’s fine, it does the job… but the board’s design… my. GOD.''

''So yes, each board is each month in the year but they’re BARELY any different! There’s season changes but that doesn’t make any of ‘em feel all too distinct. There are events that happen based on the month like holidays or birthdays but I will maintain - every board feels the damn same. Here’s a quiz for ya- which board is June and which board is July?''

[Two boards are shown side-by-side]

Scott: ''They’re both August. You level up your character after every game and save that data to the amiibo - thank God I get something out of this. Levelling up with your Happy Points unlocks new costumes. Oh- y’know- now this game has purpose. And that’s the board game… but, you just wait, because we have so much more to this…! Eight minigames, in fact! All of which are exclusively playable with amiibo cards; you cannot use figures. Is there any reason why I can’t use the amiibo cards in the board game and amiibo figures in the minigames?''

[It cuts to the couch. Rex is eating another corndog and looking at a hand of amiibo cards. Scott is looking at his hand of cards. Jeb turns to Scott]

Jeb: Man, you really haven’t played Gex before, have you?

Scott: ''So we basically have to grind in this game for a couple hours to unlock everything. We have Balloon Island - where we scan in an amiibo card and lift it up to drop our character at the right time to get the most points. I will say, this is an instance where scanning the cards makes this a bit more interesting; you have to take the delay into account. I think it would be way more interesting if different characters had different characteristics to how they dropped so that there’s more of a strategy when picking your card but overall… this would be a bit weird without the cards.''

[It cuts to the couch. Jeb is scanning a card on the gamepad]

Rex: It’s weird with the cards.

Scott: ''Acorn Chase - we have to maneuver this garden, picking up all the acorns by scanning one of the three cards you picked to go in different directions before you get mauled. It’s… fffffffffine. Resetti Bop - so it’s Whack-a-Mole mixed with Rock, Paper, Scissors. Finally- somebody did it. All the amiibo cards have either rock, paper, or scissors on them so you scan ‘em in and when you see a Resetti with rock under it and you are definitely paper, scan your card- nothing else matters in the world. It can get pretty crazy, although… an easy way to cheese it is if you scan in all characters with the same thing - that way it’s not nearly as confusing.''

''Mystery Campers - we scan in six cards and have to try to guess which four of your characters are in the tents and which order they’re in. This one’s honestly incredibly simple but kinda fun… it really makes ya think critically - every time you scan in four it tells you how many were correct and if you were close with some of your picks. It’s pretty satisfying to figure it all out considering all your previous choices. Speaking of thinking critically - the Animal Crossing Quiz Show; the perfect game to play with people who don’t know Animal Crossing all too well. What is this?''

[The gameplay shows the question “What aquatic creature is this?” with an image of a sea bass. It shows the couch. Jeb looks like he is thinking and Rex is sitting with a corndog in his mouth. He grunts and jumps forwards, slapping his amiibo card against the gamepad and dropping his corndog. He stands up]

Rex: [muffled] IT’S A FISH!

Scott: ''Amiibo Card Battle - you pick cards to play and there are definitely outcomes. ...I don’t get this one. Desert Island Escape. This is the most game this game gets. It’s not that bad; you pick three characters and you have to survive on an island long enough and find materials to escape before time runs out. You just have to strategize where to move and if certain things are worth risking… it’s nothing amazing, but it’s probably the most value you’ll get out of amiibo Festival.''

[It cuts back to the couch. Rex has another corndog and Scott is talking to the camera]

Scott: And that was amiibo Festiva-!

Jeb: Gex.

Scott: -Gex!

[Rex takes a bite from the corndog]

Scott: But we’ve played the entirety… of what it had to offer.

[He grins. Rex turns to him]

Rex: Didn’t we forget the Fruit Path game?

[Gameplay of Fruit Path is briefly shown. Scott fumbles for words]

Scott: G- get-get the f*ck outta my house.

[He points across the room. It cuts to Scott at his desk]

Scott: ''So, Animal Crossing amiibo Festival is generally considered the lowest point in the Animal Crossing franchise. It is. But I think what stings the most is the fact that it didn’t… need to be. Of course, best case scenario - it would be an actual real life Animal Crossing for the WiiU. But an Animal Crossing party game had so much potential; the core concept here is fantastic! Taking elements from Animal Crossing and turning them into a board game, having the boards be different months, holidays is different events that happen - but they didn’t do… ANYTHING interesting with these concepts. NDcube made this game and they develop the modern Mario Party and Wii Party games. And by God… I just DON’T think they know how to balance a game’s content or design boards for party games. They always try to give as many options as possible to give the illusion of a ton of content with tons of modes or minigames… But everything is so barebones - it doesn’t matter. It would’ve been better if they found a way to mesh all the content in here together. That way, it could’ve been at least a little more interesting.''

[It returns to his desk]

Scott: ''Amiibo Festival, by far, is the worst game they’ve ever developed… but it’s not ungodly terrible. It’s bad, no doubt, but some of the extra minigames aren’t the worst and the board game can be fun if you wanna-''

[The group is shown on the couch, where Rex is dramatically yelling at the game]

Scott: ''-overreact about everything happening. However, that mode is overly long with nothing of value ever happening. The control scheme is completely unnecessary and with each amiibo costing around thirteen bucks a pop at launch, you were spending well over $100 when this game released to play with multiple characters and access the other minigames.''

[It cuts to the desk once again]

Scott: ''The concept’s great! The execution is abysmal. However… I can’t say it’s the worst thing ever; there are glimpses of hope in the package here and there. So… it’s not… terrible. It’s just…''

[He pauses, trying to think of a word. He picks up his laptop and looks at synonyms for “terrible” on Thesaurus.com.]

Scott: Awful.

[It returns to the therapy session]

Therapist: ''Well I think overall you’re experiencing Post Sh*t Game Syndrome. It should wear off between the next day or two. Uh- I’m surprised it only took ya one game to get this shaken.''

Scott: Well, actually I’m here because it was moreso a barrage of bad Nintendo games I’ve played- uh, first, it was Animal Crossing amiibo Festival, next it was-

[He holds up a copy of Mario Tennis Ultra Smash]

Scott: Mario Tennis Ultra Smash-

[The therapist’s chair is shown to be empty and rocking slightly]

Scott: ''-Okay. Bye.''

[Wipes to blue. Breakout plays]

[End.]

Trivia

 * Justin Womble's (portrayer of Dr. Attricks) lines in the episode were on the clipboard he was holding.
 * The scenes featuring Scott Wozniak, Rex Mohs, and Jeb Jab eating a corndog together were filmed prior to the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic.
 * Later on April 13, 2020, Scott Wozniak uploaded bloopers from the episode on Scott's Stash titled "Bloopers - Animal Crossing: amiibo Festival | The Dark Age of Nintendo".
 * The release of the video coincides with the release of Animal Crossing: New Horizons for the Nintendo Switch.
 * During filming for the episode, the power went off in Scott’s apartment.