User blog:Scout Sunset/The Internet and You script (WIP)

(The short opens with a blue screen with VCR static plastered to set the 90's aesthetic. Several text in the right-hand corner flash for several seconds; in the start, 'REW' (abbreviation for 'rewind') and two arrows pointing to the left appear for a split second; 'STOP' then appears after a short while, before being replaced with 'PLAY' and an arrow pointing to the right; this makes the screen flash to a black screen for several seconds before cutting to a white-blue gradient background. At this point, jazz-style music cues in and the title makes an entrance by spinning to the screen. A wipe transition occurs and text saying 'STARRING' and 'ABRAHAM ETHERNET' unexpectedly pop in and disappear; the same goes for 'and' and 'NET-MEISTER 4089'.)

(The shot cuts to a twirling shot of a CGI animation of the Earth, with only its countries present, orbiting among a moving shot through several lights, with a blue, pixelated filter plastered on it. This is when we're introduced to the aforementioned Abraham Ethernet and Net-Meister 4089.)

ABRAHAM, NET-MEISTER:

Whooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!

ABRAHAM:

Ugh, Net-Meister; I'm not feeling too hot.

NET-MEISTER:

Maybe it's from the incompetences of your radical gland.

ABRAHAM:

(deadpan) At least I'm not a complete shell. (neutral, to Net-Meister) No, Net-Meister. I might be feeling too bad because of the chat lag from the trip we just took. Remember?!

NET-MEISTER:

Oh yeah.......!

(This in itself is a cue for a flashback, in which Abraham picks up a yellow Nintendo 64 controller on a couch, when suddenly he focuses on Net-Meister.)

ABRAHAM:

Hey, Net-Meister, where do you think you're going?!

(Net-Meister, holding a luggage, was about to make an exit when he stops to answer Abraham's question.)

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">Well, I'm glad you asked. I'm taking a vacation to the Interneeeeeet!!

<p style="text-align:center;">(Cut back to Abraham.)

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">Tubular! I'm in.

<p style="text-align:center;">(The next shot consists of Abraham sitting on a desk using an iMac. The desk seems to be surrounded by other things; most noticeable props being a telephone, a roll of tape, boxes of several Nintendo 64 games, including Mario Kart 64 and Star Fox 64, and the console itself with a cartridge for Dick Vitale's "Awesome, Baby!" College Hoops inserted. Net-Meister stands beside him, commanding him what to do.)

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">Uh-huh, okay...

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">Alright, you, uh, have to click on the file.

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">Uh-huh, okay...

<p style="text-align:center;">(Scott clicks on the file, signified by clicking his mouse.)

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">Okay, hit 'New Tab', right there.

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">I...don't see New Tab.

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER: 

<p style="text-align:center;">What do you mean? It's right there; it's the second option.

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">Tha-that says 'New Window'; I only see 'New Window'.

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">How do you not see it?! It's right there!

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">I-I don't see it! I-I only see 'New Window'!

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">Well, that seems like a you problem.

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">Maybe..maybe it's actually a you problem and you're just pushing it off to me.

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">Nope, I think it's still a you problem.

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">Me's don't have problems; only you's.

<p style="text-align:center;">(Cut back to the shot seen in the beginning of the video.)

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">Wait a minute! Doss our audience know what we've been talking about?

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">I don't know! We've been using Internet lingo like bookmarks, pedophilia, and firewalls​​​​​​! I wouldn't blame our audience for being completely lost by now, and frankly, I expected it.

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">That's why we're going to be setting you up on a journey through the cyber monsoon we like to call...

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM, NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">''THE INTERNET! ''

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">Wo-wo-wo-woooooooo!

<p style="text-align:center;">(Spin transition to the next shot.)

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">Who doesn't love a big, thick, honking dose of the Internet?

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">Oh, oh! I know Net-Meister: nobody!

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">That's right. The modern Internet's history dates back all the way to the 1950's with the first personal computer. The Internet greatly expanded in the invention of ethernet and the '.com' domain, which brings us to the 1990's, the age of the net.

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">Hold your horses, Net-Meister! What's the difference between the World Wide Web and the Internet?

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">Well, it's a little embarrassing you don't know, but the World Wide Web is just a part of the greater scope of the Internet!

<p style="text-align:center;">(Abraham, seemingly amazed by his newly-found knowledge about the difference between the Internet and the World Wide Web, screams in response. The scream was cut out to the next shot.)

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">So resourceful! But how do I get the most of my time in the Internet?

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">Mozel tov Abe, you angered sack of marbles! Basically, I want to show you around the Internet, and show you all the cool things, people and places that make it radical!

<p style="text-align:center;">(The camera zooms to Abraham as he preforms the 'O face', a sign to express excitement and surprise. A freeze-frame effect occurs as a quadrilateral center wipe makes a transition to the next shot, in which Abraham and Net-Meister meet an inhabitant of the Internet.)

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">​​​​Oh look, if it isn't our old colleague, Dr. USB!

<p style="text-align:center;">(Enter Dr. USB.)

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">So Dr. USB, huh! Like (Abraham snatches a USB stick out of Dr. USB's coat pocket.) one of these?

<p style="text-align:center;">(Dr. USB scolds at Abraham.)

<p style="text-align:center;">DR. USB:

<p style="text-align:center;">''What... are you doing?! ''

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">So according to your name, you must be very knowledgeable by USB.

<p style="text-align:center;">DR. USB:

<p style="text-align:center;">You are stupid, naive, pessimistic, evil and dumb. All of those things just amalgamates into what is the creation of you. Who doesn't even know what a USB is? I've devoted my life to these things, these godforsaken things. (USB takes over his jacket.) I don't-- (USB breathes heavily and sits down.) I didn't wanna-I didn't want to be like this, man. My parents, they... torture me. Everyday I get home from work, he'd be drunker than the night before, and he just whips out the fucking Mochican tahithan spear. And he fucking stabbed my throat. I don't know how I'm alive, man. All I know, all I know, is that I cough at night by putting those two to six gyros down my throat. My throat-hole, man, my throat-hole...

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">You mean yee-roh's​​​​​, bro?

<p style="text-align:center;">DR. USB:

<p style="text-align:center;">Are you stupid or are you just an idiot? Okay, I was in Honors Literature all five years of high school, bro. Just, you don't even know. You're just some patronising, pessimistic, pervious, little conundrum.

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">But like, what is your PhD revolve around concerning, you know, ''USB... ''heheheeeehh...

<p style="text-align:center;">DR. USB:

<p style="text-align:center;">You are stupid, naive, pessimistic, evil and dumb. All of those things just amalgamates...

<p style="text-align:center;">(Dr. USB's speech is faded out as a conversation between Abraham and Net-Meister occurs.)

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">Say, Net-Meister, Dr. USB is very much overwhelming me. The Internet is starting to seem super spooktastic.

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">Well, yeah, let me give you an analogy. You ever seen Home Alone 2: Lost in New York?

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">Every Sabbath!

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">Well, imagine you as Kevin, and New York is the Internet!

<p style="text-align:center;">(The camera cuts to Abraham's face as he becomes dumbfounded by Net-Meister's analogy.)

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">(deadpan) My god.

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">Well, you know, the Internet's a big place, Abe, it's easy to get lost, just as Kevin McCallister got lost in the 1992 hit Christmas classic, Home Alone 2: Lost In New York, which ranked in over $350 million at the box office.

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">That's a deal-breaker, Net-Meister! I'll go! Show me the way!!

<p style="text-align:center;">(In a white-blue gradient background, a Microsoft Windows cursor flies to the top-left corner. As it passes through it, yellow text saying 'THE INTERNET' and 'Genghis Kahn's Last Gift to Humanity' appear. Throughout the transition, the startup theme for Windows 95 plays.)

<p style="text-align:center;">(The next shot consists of Net-Meister and Abraham looking at huge yellow text reading 'INTERNET' in a blue gradient background. As they speak, their dialogue has an echo effect.)

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">The Internet sure is big...

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">I heard the Internet is so big, you can fit over seven football fields in it.

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">You aren't wrong.

<p style="text-align:center;">(A flick sound, accompanied with a suspenseful sound, cues. Abraham and Net-Meister are alerted.)

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM:

<p style="text-align:center;">Wait, that sounds like the sound of...

<p style="text-align:center;">ABRAHAM, NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">''Copy Paste Repeaaaaat!! ''

<p style="text-align:center;">NET-MEISTER:

<p style="text-align:center;">Wa-wa-wa-wheeeeew! Listen, Mr. Repeat, we just got out of an emotionally abusive conversation with Dr. USB about the origins of his name. Can you reassure us that your name has no such emotional connotation?

<p style="text-align:center;">COPY PASTE REPEAT:

<p style="text-align:center;">I'd wait all day to ask you guys that. Larry's general manager to the household legend! (Repeat starts clapping. The theme to The Price Is Right plays) Will Mr. Larry Tesler come on down!