Episode 64: Get Rich Quick!

Get Rich Quick! is the 14th episode of Scott The Woz Season 2 and overall the 64th episode, as well as the 3rd special episode. The video was uploaded on April 17, 2018, by Scott Wozniak on Scott The Woz.

Description
Scott is up against his greatest foe yet: debt! Happy Tax Day!

Characters

 * Scott Wozniak
 * Dr. Scamo
 * Unnamed Scamo user
 * President of Snickers

Credits

 * Scott Wozniak as Scott Wozniak
 * indiejacob as Dr. Scamo
 * Jeffrey Pohlman-Beshuk as Unnamed Scamo user

Plot
WIP

Music

 * Screw on the Loose - Tony Lowry
 * Patriotic March - Mayhew Lake
 * Wrap Up - Robert Sharples
 * Those Tiller Girls - Robert Sharples
 * Hollywood Holiday - Frank Samuels
 * The Map Room Dawn - John Williams
 * Breakout - 3D Dot Game Heroes

Cards

 * 0:02 - Nintendo Before Video Games

End Cards

 * Nintendo Before Video Games
 * GameCube Games That Need Remakes (feat. Scott the Woz)
 * Stop Smoking!

Transcript
Scott Wozniak: ''Hey all, Scott here! And consider yourself Not Scott because you could never be as desperate as I am right now! I was looking up houses for sale and decided it was time for my weekly ponder sesh about how I'll never own a house. 'Course, my elbow was on the "Buy House" key on the keyboard the whole time.''

[Scott Wozniak's elbow comes off the keyboard after a certain period of time, revealing a key that says "BUY HOUSE"]

Scott Wozniak: ''I bought fucking 20 of 'em! And before you ask, no, I can't return them. They were used and sold-as-is. I need to scrape together the dough for these houses ASAP and stat!''

[the TV turns on with a static]

Dr. Scamo: Hey you!

Scott Wozniak: ''Huh! That's me!''

Dr. Scamo: ''Are you strictly going by an anti-scam agenda? Same here! That's why I started Scamo, a club that is hell-bent on eliminating all scams! All you have to do to join is pay a monthly fee, and the best part about it is, when you refer others to Scamo, we'll even pay you for it! It's totally cool, right? We stay up late, make money, hanging out, we make some more money. It's just like a real group of friends.''

[Dr. Scamo points to a Scamo pyramid, which has Dr. Scamo on the top, You And Other Smart Folk in the middle, and People You Recruit on the bottom]

Dr. Scamo: ''You can clearly see here how Scamo works. Now, a lot of pro scam folk out there would say, "Well, that just looks like a pyramid scheme!" I mean, I'm no geometrist, but, uh... that's a triangle.''

[Scott Wozniak looks up from a book he's reading]

Scott Wozniak: He's right!

Dr. Scamo: ''So, the club of your dreams is just a measly two hundred dollars a month away. Fight scams, get paid, it's a club for the rest of us. Here's a glowing testimonial of Scamo!''

[the infomercial cuts to the unnamed Scamo user, with a caption on the bottom of the screen stating, "The Scam, Wait No..Uhhh... I Mean CLUB! Yeah! It's a Club Against Scams!!"]

Scott Wozniak: ''Well, I'm officially sold. I can make all the money I need to pay off those houses! All I need to do is spend, like, $200 a month on Scamo, and then I'm on my way to No Debt Island. Now, I've heard of a few phone apps out there that let you score cash for absolutely free. Might as well try those out first.''

Scott Wozniak: ''I see these apps that give you points for downloading other apps all the time. You can then convert the points, or Nanas, if you're feeling culturally competent, to gift cards of all kinds of shapes and sizes. You see I can score some FIFA points or something for absolutely caking my phone in apps I delete after downloading. I can convert the FIFA doubloons to dollars at the bank afterward this is free cash! I'll download the StubHub and I'll be 1200 Nanas closer to 100 FIFA doubloons, which would give me 100 FIFA doubloons closer to paying off one of my 20 mortgages, son of a bitch, it didn't give me the points. I'll give HQ Trivia a try, an app that is apparently the live mobile game show where you answer questions to win cash.''

[in the middle of that last sentence, Scott Rogowski, then the host of HQ Trivia, joins him in synchronization]

Scott Wozniak: ''I'm absolutely unstoppable at trivia. I have quizlet.com open on my laptop and I'm ready and willing for pretty much... fuck! My thumbs are slippery with debt, I'll move on to Fish For Money. Well, this is definitely fishing, there's no doubt about that. If I catch a pufferfish, I have to keep tapping to make them bigger, but I get bombarded with ads.''

Scott Wozniak: ''I'll wait for my check in the mail. I'll give Money Crack a shot. You see, all you have to do to get paid online is to go to Google and search for free money, if only the homeless knew. If both images are equal, you win fifty bucks. Well, that's worth not trying twice.''

Scott Wozniak: ''Forget all this work. I'm going the easy way out. I'm gonna be an entrepreneur! Now, I know what you're thinking. A new business doesn't profit until 30 minutes before swimming. But an entrepreneur takes risks, and I'm willing to make my money the old-fashioned way with my own business idea. Vegas-style funerals. You know, you're in you're out. All I need to do is write a check to get this all started, let me check my checking account. Shit, all those checks I wrote myself bounced. I have 20 dollars left. In the meantime, I can go on Tinder to try and swoon people over. They'll give me money out of sympathy if I play my cards right. I'll ask her how many dogs she can fight in a row.''

[Scott Wozniak proceeds to message Alejandra, "How many dogs could you fight in a row?"]

Scott Wozniak: ''Woah, two truths and a lie? Uh, I'm white, I'm nearsighted, and I eat fucking dogs.''

Scott Wozniak: ''God, enough with the dogs, Scott! Stupid! But it's alright because I'm about to say something that no hormone encrusted teen has ever said: Don't worry, it's just a phase! Well, while I wait for people to finally succumb to my bullshit, I can take out a loan and start buying things for my business, which will help me fund my Scamo membership, and that will help me pay off my 20 houses.''

[Scott Wozniak has a brief moment of thought]

Scott Wozniak: One sec, let me check something.

[Scott Wozniak looks up the definition of foolproof in his dictionary, which classifies the word as an adjective, and defines it as "This Plan"]

Scott Wozniak: Alright, we're set.

[transition card saying "One Phone Call for a Loan Later" appears]

Scott Wozniak: ''I called the president of Snickers and asked for a loan, and now I'm on some sort of blacklist. The milk chocolate industry fucking despises me now. So after I delete some connections on LinkedIn, I think I'm gonna try and nab some deals at retail for my business venture. I heard if you tickle the sales rep enough, you'll get a good deal. But I think I'm gonna try and throw all my eggs in this one basket. There is the legend of a get-rich-quick scheme so easy, it's almost not true. Hidden in the depths of your local Dave & Buster's, the machine known as Stacker has prizes of unbelievable value. All you have to do is stack the bars up to the very top. How could they be giving away such expensive prices? Easy. They're strictly for entrepreneurs trying to fund a Scamo membership.''

Scott Wozniak: I'm gonna use the rest of my checking account on a Stacker game!

[transition card saying "$19 Later" appears. Scott Wozniak is seen attempting to stack the last block on top of the other block, and fails to do so]

Scott Wozniak: Alright, where do I fill out the application to become homeless?

Trivia

 * The guest appearance of indiejacob was likely because a video on indiejacob's channel titled "GameCube Games That Need Remakes (with Scott the Woz)" featured Scott Wozniak, so they made collaborations on both channels.
 * The video was released to coincide with Tax Day.
 * indiejacob, TetraBitGaming, YouTube user Matthew Smart, and other YouTube user The Fox Overlord But Totally Not a Furry, all commented on the video and got their comment hearted by the Scott The Woz YouTube Channel, indiejacob's comment said "Who's THAT scamming pile of garbage?", TetraBitGaming's comment said "Always pictured you to be a dog eater tbh", Matthew Smart's comment said "Hey all, sellout here!", and The Fox Overlord But Totally Not a Furry's comment said "3:00 Scott, aren't you farsighted?".
 * indiejacob's comment got pinned, most likely as he was actually featured in the video.
 * With an exception of Breakout from 3D Dot Game Heroes all of the music in the video aren't from video games.