Episode 216: Game Baths

Game Baths is the 21st episode of Scott The Woz Season 5 and overall the 216th episode. The video was uploaded on September 21, 2021, by Scott Wozniak on Scott The Woz.

Description
Bathe, Scott. Bathe!

Characters

 * Scott Wozniak

Credits

 * Scott Wozniak as Scott Wozniak
 * help by Eric Turney and Sam Essig

Plot
Scott is dirty and needs to play golf in the bath.

Music

 * Breakout - 3D Dot Game Heroes
 * 'Er Indoors by Johnny Hawksworth
 * Bargains Galore by Dannis Berry

End Cards

 * Mobile Games on Console
 * Game Foods
 * Speed Dating

Gallery
WIP

Transcript
Scott Wozniak: Hey all, Scott here!

[A large amount of dog food rains down on him from above]

Scott: ..I need a bath.

''Good timing- I haven't had one yet this year. Problem is- I only do what Space Invaders does. ...My diet is beyond limited.''

Lucky for the bath fan inside o' me-

[He holds up Space Invaders soap]

Scott: -I have no excuse.

[He is shown holding a notepad that has a venn diagram on it. The left circle says “BATH FANS” and the right circle says “GAMERS”]

Scott: See, marketers have discovered there's no venn diagram between bath fans and gamers..

[He flips to the next page in the notepad, which has a circle on it with “BATH FANS” and “GAMERS” written inside it]

Scott: It's just a circle.

It was inevitable; mankind knew things were heading this way ever since air was invented.

[He holds up a bottle of Lynx Xbox shampoo]

Scott: Xbox shampoo.

''Technically, you can use it on your body and face as well- so it IS multipurpose. I think a better term for it is 'Xbox skin jelly'.''

''I assume the audience for this is people who have never bathed before, but love Xbox and according to my research... I just can't see them existing!''

[An advertisement image of the Lynx & Xbox grooming line is shown]

Scott: You know there were a couple of other products a part of this Xbox grooming line; all exclusive to Australia.

[It cuts back to his desk. He is holding the notepad again, which has a circle with “BATH FANS”, “GAMERS” and “AUSTRALIA” written on it. He points at the page]

Scott: I forgot.

[He holds up the Xbox shampoo]

Scott: So we've got this,

[He holds up the Space Invaders soap]

Scott: ''Space Invaders soap- so we already know I'm gonna smell f*ckin' delicious, but- I can use these in the shower, not just the bath.. So - I'll introduce some bath exclusives.''

''I just prefer them! With a bath you have a moment to say hi to whoever walked in.''

[He holds up a Super Mario Bath Time Golf Set box]

Scott: ''The Mario Bath Time Golf Set- no shower instructions are included. You see, this does satiate one o' my primal urges.''

[It cuts to Scott sitting in a bath of soapy water]

Scott: God- I wanna play f*ckin’ golf...

[It cuts back to the desk]

Scott: ''Not only do we get golf tools, but Mario body wash is included. But what if I don't give a sh*t about Luigi in the tub?''

[It cuts to him holding a Sonic Bath Bubbles Bath Game Shampoo bottle]

Scott: ''Well, we've got the Sonic Bath Bubbles Bath Game. See- I was on the fence about bathing but now..''

[It cuts back to him in the bathtub]

Scott: I don't think you could PAY me to leave.

[The camera shows the bathtub being filled with water]

Scott: ''This is a bathtub.. I bought this one-''

[He holds a piece of paper that says “TUBCON 2020”, “See you next year!”, “TUBCON 2021”, “Oct. 8-10” with a picture of a bath in front of the camera]

Scott: -at the convention.

[He is shown holding a photo of his bath filled with soap bars]

Scott: I mainly used it to store my soap but I never had a chance to use my soap because I never had a place to bathe!

[He is shown sitting in the soapy bath again, holding and looking at the Xbox shampoo]

Scott: That changed today.

[He shows the camera the bottle. It cuts to him sitting in the soapy bath and fidgeting]

Scott: Man- this bathtub could be more comfortable..

[He reaches over the side of the bath]

Scott: Could use some hay.

[He picks up a hay bale and drops it on his lap. It cuts to him holding the Xbox shampoo]

Scott: Let's start with the Xbox shampoo- coming to us from Lynx.

[He holds a can]

Scott: After I try my-

[He rotates the can to show that the label says TOMATO SOUP and has a Beats logo]

Scott: -Beats headphone soup.

It's the Xbox staple green, which makes me happy there's no Nintendo Switch variant.

[A bottle of shampoo that has a completely red label with the Nintendo Switch logo on it is shown. It cuts to Scott standing in front of a mirror with a thick-tomato-soup-like liquid smeared on his hair and forehead and running down his face]

Scott: Ohh..

[It cuts back to him holding the Xbox shampoo]

Scott: Basically, it allows Xbox on your head-

[It cuts to show Scott standing in a room. Someone hits him in the face with an Xbox One, making him fall over]

Scott: -Like never before!

[It cuts to show him in the soapy bath, pouring some of the Xbox shampoo into his hand]

Scott: At the end o’ the day, solid shampoo, no real downsides outside of hair loss.

[He shows the back label of the bottle]

Scott: ”Avoid contact with eyes.”

[It cuts to show him sitting in the bath with the shampoo pouring from his mouth as he spits bubbles]

Scott: What's your stance on lips?

[He is shown standing up in the bath, covered in hay and soap bubbles]

Scott: Well, lets clean up all this soap- so I got soap, here.

[He shows the Space Invaders soap bar]

Scott: Space Invaders soap, huh- I played Space Invaders.

[It cuts to him in the bath, holding a GameBoy]

Scott: I gotta bathe!

[He shows the back label of the soap's box]

Scott: ”If skin irritation persists consult your doctor.”

[He is shown in the bath scrubbing his hands with the soap]

Scott: ''Ohh, no- I know how it works; you lure me in with skin irritation just to end up diagnosing me with cancer. Just let a bather bathe.''

[Super Nintendo cartridge soap bars for sale are shown]

Scott: There's lots of gaming-themed soaps; I've seen game-cartridge-themed bars which look damn-near identical to the actual products!

‘'That's good - I AM most critical in the shower.''

[He holds up the Space Invaders soap]

Scott: The Space Invaders soap is neat, but only for that brief moment before you use it.

[He is shown scrubbing his hands again]

Scott: Like, what, you mean you don't wanna rub this on your ass?

[He is shown peeling the plastic covering off the soap, which takes the outline away with it]

Scott: ''Also, the outline isn't even a part o' the soap! What is this?! This isn't soap- it's a shape!''

[He holds the Bath Bubbles game bottle]

Scott: ''Okay, I need to calm down.. maybe a relaxing Bath Bubbles Bath Game will ease the soap rant.''

[It cuts to him at the desk]

Scott: Because I can go all goddamn day.

''This Sonic the Hedgehog bath game is based on Sonic Adventure and involves trying to get these rings on the pegs. I had a couple o' these water-based handheld games as a kid but from what I remember they never lasted.''

[He is shown shaking the Sonic bath game bottle upside down]

Scott: ''They always stopped working a while in.. whether that was because of water leakin' or God makin' sure we always have something to go to war over.''

''I dunno.. but I can tell the last owner had fun with it; the entire back has been peeled off..''

[He is shown in the soapy bath, holding the bottle with gloves on]

Scott: Well, I can't be too clean in the tub.

[He holds the Bath Time Golf Set box]

Scott: I've waited long enough- for the first three years o' my life-

[The camera zooms in on the 3+ rating on the box]

Scott: -I couldn't play Bath Time Golf Set..!

Back then, I even tried to get the cashier to card me while buying it.

[It cuts to show Scott standing in a store and talking to somebody]

Scott: I am feeling PRETTY underage today.

[It cuts back to him holding the box]

Scott: But now that I'm 24-

[It cuts to him in the bath. He tilts his head back and pours the soap into his mouth]

Scott: -I can finally responsibly use this!

[He is shown setting up the golf set]

Scott: Set up the putting greens, hit the ball in-!

[He is shown hitting the ball into the hole. He stays quiet for a moment]

Scott: ...It's downhill from here.

[It cuts to him standing in the bathroom doorway in a towel with his phone to his ear]

Scott: ''Yeah, what's your return policy? ...No, I got the hole-in-one, I don't need the tub anymore.''

[It cuts back to him at his desk]

Scott: ''In the end.. I don't really need baths. Did you know using-''

[He holds a can of body spray away from his neck and continuously sprays himself with it]

Scott: -body spray eliminates your need for showers?

[Wipes to blue. Breakout plays]

[End.]

Trivia

 * With the exception of Breakout from 3D Dot Game Heroes, none of the music in the video is from video games.
 * This is the only episode in the "Robbing" arc to not acknowledge Scott getting robbed.
 * It is mentioned in the opening Episode 217: The Best Selling Consoles of All Time.
 * After this episode, the bottle of Xbox shampoo is put on Scott's desk for the background.
 * The episode is the shortest running episode of Scott The Woz Season Five, having a runtime of 3 minutes and 32 seconds.