Episode 185: Memory Cards

Memory Cards is the 35th episode of Scott The Woz Season 4 and overall the 185th episode. The video was uploaded on October 31, 2020, by Scott Wozniak on Scott The Woz.

Description
Scott saves. Happy Halloween!

Characters

 * Scott Wozniak
 * Terry Lesler
 * Wendy's Employee
 * Jeb Jab
 * Rex Mohs

Credits

 * Scott Wozniak as Scott Wozniak
 * Joe Robertson as Terry Lesler
 * Dominic Mattero as Wendy's Employee
 * Sam Essig as Jeb Jab
 * Eric Turney as Rex Mohs

Plot
WIP

While searching for a pumpkin, Scott Wozniak comes across the non-permitted Lesler Pumpkin Orchard while searching in a field, ran by the eponymous Terry Lesler. After talking, Wozniak finds a "nice-ass" pumpkin which he expresses interest in buying, however, Lesler tells him that it's a only rental. Wozniak informs Lesler that he's looking to fully own, which Lesler belives Wozniak isn't ready for due to it taking "a lot of responsibility". Lesler suggests that Wozniak should start with something else, using a goldfish as an example. Wozniak tells Lesler that he promised himself to own a pumpkin by the age of 17, and he wants to finally buy one as he's now 22. After hearing the promise, Lesler starts to cut off a large pumpkin off a tree. After finishing cutting, the pumpkin falls to the ground and breaks upon impact. Wozniak hitches another pumpkin, is given his paperwork, passport and mugshot, and heads back to his house.

Back at his home, Wozniak announces a "pumpkin party" with all local pumpkin owners, which is then changed into a half-pumpkin-half-Halloween party after he realizes that he painted his pumpkin into a watermelon. Looking through his Halloween costume idea list, he decides on being a memory-card talker and buys a large number of memory cards from eBay.

Music

 * At the Gravesite/Flight and Refuge -
 * Boarding Up -
 * Tonight's Prizes - Dick Stephen Walte
 * 'Er Indoors - Johnny Hawksworth
 * Mystic Cave Zone - Sonic the Hedgehog 2
 * Brinstar - Metroid
 * Dunegon - The Legend of Zelda
 * Graveyard - StarTropics
 * Valley of Bowser - Super Mario World
 * Cranky's Theme - Donkey Kong Country
 * Kurikinton (FATAL FURY 2) - Super Smash Bros. Ultimate
 * Dragon Roost Island - The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
 * Witty Fellow - Gerhard Trede
 * Welcome to Station Square - Sonic Adventure
 * Spindlelegs - Cedric Palmer
 * Safety in the Sanctuary - The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
 * Bonus Theme - Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest
 * Dapper Don - Frank Chacksfield
 * Castle Theme - New Super Mario Bros. Wii
 * Unease - Dick Walter
 * Graveyard - Johnny Pearson
 * Ghost Child - Dave Hewson
 * Stealth - Night - Jack Coles
 * Scary Search - Harry Lubin
 * Savage Episode - Len Stevens
 * West Side Rumble - Sam Spence
 * Me for You - George Callert
 * The Creature (A) - Gregor Narholz
 * Breakout - 3D Dot Game Heroes

End Cards

 * Backwards Compatibility
 * Night Trap
 * The Great Mysteries of Gaming

Transcript
[The episode opens on Scott walking through the non-permitted Lesler Pumpkin Orchard]

Scott: ''Hey all, Scott here. I know what it looks like! I wasn't looking for a pumpkin, I was looking for grass.''

[Scott looks down at the ground.]

Scott: Oh, wow.

Scott: ''Okay, fine. I couldn't take it anymore! Just yesterday, I was doing a live -''

[The scene cut's to Scott playing Tetris on the Gameboy at New Location McGee]

Scott: I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!

[The scene cut's back to Scott at the pumpkin orchard.]

Scott: And I decided to finally buy a pumpkin.

[Scott continues to wander through the orchard.]

Scott: Grass, let's look around here.

[Scott comes across Terry Lesler polishing a pumpkin. Terry gets up and greets Scott.]

Terry: Welcome to the Lesler Pumpkin Orchard, where pumpkins are our specialty, orchards a close second.

Scott: Whoa, vegan Terry Lesler, running a non-permitted pumpkin patch.

Terry: Can you name a more vegan crime?

Scott: Well, been a gourd user for awhile, looking to make an upgrade.

[Terry looks at Scott, confused.]

Terry: ''Never bought a pumpkin before? What are you carving during the fall, then?''

Scott: I'm mainly using watermelons.

Terry: Well, we do offer conversion therapy.

Scott: Nah, I think I'm good.

[Scott looks at a pumpkin off screen and point's at it.]

Scott: ''I'll buy that one! I'll buy that one! That is a nice-ass pumpkin!''

Terry: Oh, well, This is just a rental.

Scott: Nah, I'm looking to own.

Terry: ''You think you're ready to go in raw, and own a pumpkin? It's a lot of responsibility, maybe you should start with a goldfish or something.''

Scott: ''No, ever since I was a kid I pledged by the time I was 17, I would own a pumpkin! I'm 23 now and I've gotten nothing done over the past six years because it's been the at the top of my to-do list! Let's get this over with.''

Terry: Perfect, we'll do a background check, you'll be the first here to own a pumpkin.

[Scott start pointing at another pumpkin off-screen]

Scott: ''Yes, I'll pick that one! the orange one!''

Terry: You want the two-year warranty?

Scott: I hate the metric system...how many hours is that?

Terry: Hey man, I run a pumpkin patch, not a clock.

[The scene cuts to a tree with a pumpkin sprouting from one of the branches, terry holding a saw]

Terry: Alright, tell me when.

[Terry starts sawing at the pumpkin, a few seconds later it falls from the tree splitting into two. Scott looks from where the pumpkin landed back to Terry]

Scott: That's good.

[The scene cuts to Scott "tying" a pumpkin to the roof of his car, Terry approaches him.]

Terry: Alrighty, so here's going to be your paperwork.

Scott: Can I have my ID back?

Terry: And your passport, mugshot and watch.

[Terry starts passing him an assortment of papers]

Terry: You take care of that thing.

[The scene goes back to New Location McGee, Scott sitting down with his pumpkin.]

Scott: Good stuff.

Scott: ''You are currently looking at a registered pumpkin owner. Sure, I've dabbled in owning foam decoratory pumpkins in the past, but those, I would just throw out after the season was over. These ones, completely different.''

[Scott hits the pumpkin with a hammer]

Scott: ''This one's real. I asked if there was any pumpkin regulations in the county. I can't quarter it in a time of peace. I said I didn't want it after that, buy I already took the cellophane off. My first real pumpkin! And to celebrate, I decided to invite all pumpkin users in the area, throw a bit of a pumpkin party - I hope that isn't slang. Terry should be happy to see how this pumpkin's doing, and plus, four years from now, I'll be throwing my first party. So, I think I'm ready to throw another one right now. I think I'm finally ready to present myself in fromt of the pumpkin demographic!''

[The camera cuts to a wider shot revealing Scott had painted a watermelon design on the pumpkin]

Scott: ''Dammit - Okay, maybe I should make this more of a half pumpkin, half Halloween party. I don't want to make an ass out of myself in front of the pumpkin fandom, so I'll distract them by making it more of a Halloween party. All I have to do is come up with a scary costume.''

[Scott puts up a list titled "HALLOWEEN COSTUME IDEAS"]

Scott: ''I have had this list for over four hours and I've never acted upon it. See, I could go with somebody who's owned a pumpkin before...''

[Scott looks at the pumpkin, with the watermelon design painted on]

Scott: ''My cover will be blown. I could go with somebody who ate a f*ckin' Wii... maybe next year. Ooh! Found the scariest one. Of course, I could also go as "memory card talker", but I - I go as that year round.''

[Scott goes to his computer and looks at an eBay listing for "Materials for Your Costume", and below it are listings for memory cards]

Scott: ''Alright, I'm going to need some materials for this costume - okay, customers also bought memory cards. I can go as two things, f*ck it.''

[On an eBay listing for "Gamecube Memory Card Wii 1024 MB Huge Storage", Scott enters a bunch of 9s in the quantity, then we see a bunch of memory cards on the floor]

Scott: ''Happy Halloween! What do you do when you're playing a video game, but you have to get up and exist? Well, you can leave the thing on for days on end until you're ready to not do anything again, but what if you have a power outage, the cord gets unplugged, you have this nervous tic where you just have to go and ruin everything? Your game gets reset, and you have to restart EVERYTHING from the very beginning. I can't think of anything worse!''

[Old newspaper clippings on the sinking of the Titanic, Black Tuesday and the Dust Bowl are shown]

Scott: ''Anything. You have to be protecting in case something like this occurs. So bring in the memory cards, the gaming contraceptive. Saving your progress in a game is something we all take for granted nowadays. Remember when games didn't save at all? The only way to beat them was to play them all in one go. From start to finish, you had to experience what it's like to be depressed. Some games started using passwords, get to a certain point in the game, write down the password it gave you, enter that in, and next time you boot it up, bam, right back where you left off. But right after they made the English language, they went, oh man, they're going to make Metroid, aren't they? Oh, zeroes, capital O's, lowercase O's, ones, capital I's, lowercase L's. Sure, in the game itself, they're distinct enough, but when you're writing down a password, you'll probably just use whatever your brain thinks will be funny. Why couldn't God make the "O" look like this?''

[On a sheet of paper, Scott writes "0900", along with a sidenote reading "0 not O"; then we see a lowercase O written as usual, but "capital O" is just a random scribble]

Scott: ''And these passwords could be ass-long, like, I didn't know these many spaces existed. Sometimes you'd get these passwords with icons to use. That immediately makes things a problem for the artistically challenged out there. What are you talking about? That's a squiggle, not a Sigma.''

[On a notebook, a squiggle that looks like the capital Greek letter Sigma is shown]

Scott: ''So, to pick up where you left off in games, you either had to keep the game console running indefinitely OR something you have to explain to your parents. I don't want them thinking I play Mega Man IV. What is this?''

[Cut to Scott at his desk]

Scott: ''Uh - coordinates - for a bomb. Plus, what kind of passwords are these? Like, you try to get into a club, and they ask, "What's the password?"''

[Back at the desk, Scott looks around and tries to figure out the password]

Scott: ''C-7-6-4- Something had to change, because neither one of these methods were particularly ideal. I mean, I'd rather have passwords than not have passwords, but I'd rather have blood than not have blood. Doesn't mean I like blood.''

[The doorbell rings; Scott answers to find Terry at the door with two pumpkins. Scott is shown in his "terrifying" costume - the box art for the PSP version of Madden 09]

Scott: Talking about memory cards, one sec.

[Scott closes the door]

Scott: ''So in came The Legend of Zelda for the Nintendo Entertainment System, featuring a battery built into the cartridge which allowed it to save your data, which became a luxury for many games. If your NES game came with the ability to save like this, you knew the company cared SO hard about you. The following generation, saving this way became more of a standard across the board. Most of Nintendo's Super Nintendo titles had battery saves built in. Many third-party games still used passwords, Sega took a while to catch up on the Genesis, but by the end of this generation, being able to save your game was the hip thing to do. But here's the issue, there's a reason not all games adopted the battery to save data to the cartridge. It costs money to do that, and some people can't stomach supporting Duracell.''

Scott: ''Each game would need a battery backup, and that battery eventually runs out after a couple decades, so eventually, there will be no evidence of me playing Mario World the night of some murder, and I have a soft spot for alibis. Plus, with the industry quickly shifting from using cartridges to CDs, you couldn't really feasibly save data to this. I mean, battery, CD, battery CD, something had to change. Well, what if you could save the data to something else?''

[Scott opens the door, with Terry still there holding his pumpkins]

Scott: Oh f*ck, I thought you were another door.

Terry: Am I the first to arrive?

Scott: (after a beat) Yes.

Terry: ''Yeah, so I brought some pumpkins for discussing. This one is orange, and this one's really orange.''

Scott: You know, I was thinking we could make this a half pumpkin party, half actual Halloween party.

Terry: What the hell's Halloween?

[Scott pushes Terry out the door]

Scott: Well, just step outside, change into a scary costume and you'll be fine.

[Scott closes the door, then opens it back up. We immediately see Terry holding a plate of Oscar Meyer hot dogs]

Scott: What are you, a meat-eater?

Terry: A person.

Scott: ''Oh yeah, I can tell by the hat. Well, feel free to not say anything until the others arrive.''

[Terry finds some GameCube memory cards on the floor]

Terry: ''Oh, what the hell? I give you a pumpkin for well under a year and you turn it into memory cards?''

Scott: No, those are just memory cards for the GameCube.

Terry: For the GameCube?

[Scott takes the memory cards out of Terry's hands]

Scott: Here, let me explain.

Scott: ''Memory cards give you the ability to save games to a choking hazard. I mean, it made perfect sense. With these, you wouldn't have to worry about cramming a save feature into the game itself. Just force the consumer to deal with it. This way, no game had an excuse. If they were on a console with a memory card, yup, they had a save feature - unless you didn't own a memory card. I think we've all been in that situation, you own a console for a bit, but you don't have a memory card, so you just kind of played the game you had, but you can't save, so hey, let's just keep playing from the beginning. Of course, that's how most NES games were, but I owned a GameCube, and didn't get a memory card until a couple months in. I am an expert on watching the opening to Battle for Bikini Bottom. But once you actually got a card, oh my God, my options skyrocketed. I can save... You know, memory cards actually first appeared on the Neo Geo AES.''

[Cut to Scott on the couch]

Scott: Well, now I give a sh*t.

Scott: ''You could save your data onto it and then bring it to a Neo Geo arcade cabinet, plug it in, pick up where you left off, which is a killer plus to using memory cards. You can bring them anywhere. Your save data can always be with you, make a necklace out of it. There's a lot of memories you can dig up on one of these, especially if they were never owned by you. Look at all these game saves, preserved for us all to point and laugh at. I mean, the term "memory card" can mean two different things. It saves game files, sure, but it also saves memories. This was my childhood GameCube memory card. Yeah, I got the MadCatz 16x, not the official Nintendo-produced one. These came with carrying cases. So much better! Oh man, I wish each pea had a sock. Owning a MadCatz memory card should have put me on track to buy a Thrasher shirt, but, here we are! This was what my mom bought after I sort of beged for a memory card, so then I didn't have to watch that damn opening cutscene for the 67th time. And I think we really hit it out of the park first try. 16x, what does that mean? It has it, and a lot of it. There was more than enough space on this one to store any and all save data I could ever dream of! I can't believe I didn't get stuck with 1x! 59 blocks of storage - I would be disgusted if I knew how much that was. Yeah, some game consoles refer to storage as "blocks". I think they were trying to simplify things, but honest to God, it made even more no sense. Just use typical memory storage terms. Just say "megabytes", no mom hears "blocks" compared to "megabytes" and goes - ''

[Cut to Scott on the couch]

Scott: Ah.

Scott: ''Oh, I have this many blocks remaining. What does that mean? I could say you were better off buying the official memory cards made by the console manufacturers themselves, but why would I? These aren't like third-party controllers, where like, yeah, if they're cheaper, you can really feel it. Ah, this one's made of gum. Memory cards, you cram in the console and never think of again. Oh, but this one looks blue and smells funny. You can get by with any type of memory card, that's the beautiful thing. These brands are all of equal value. Sometimes memory cards would come with games, like with Animal Crossing. You got a GameCube memory card free of charge. Makes sense, considering Animal Crossing required a TON of space to save. So you pretty much needed a memory card just for it. It's an Animal Crossing themed memory card, jsut like how I have an Animal Crossing themed thigh. It's a sticker - that's it. You can theme anything to be Animal Crossing this way, but I appreciate the sentiment. I'm surprised there weren't more special edition memory cards. I mean, they existed.''

[An eBay listing for "PS1 Spider-Man Special Edition Memory Card and similar items" is shown]

Scott: ''Here's Spider-Man crawling out of his grave. However, most of the time, you just have to choose between cards of different size capacities and colors. But just the fact different colors were offered really baffles me as to why there weren't more grave-digging options.''

[We now see Scott and Terry on the couch]

Scott: So, cool bullsh*t, right?

Terry: ''I don't know. Is it really worth neglecting your pumpkin for so long that it can save Geist?''

Scott: ''I can't help if the pumpkin dies. All the bees flew south for the winter. Pollination's over.''

Terry: (looking at the memory card) Wait, this isn't the right pumpkin.

Scott: ...Oh yeah, it's over there.

[Cut to Scott and Terry are in the kitchen with Scott's pumpkin]

Terry: (Taps the pumpkin a few times) Looking good, got any plans for this guy?

Scott: I was thinking we could bob for apples, but with this instead.

[Scott shows Terry another pumpkin as the doorbell rings]

Scott: Oh, you can feel free to stop not saying anything.

[Scott puts the pumpkin into the bucket, which splashes in the water. He answers the door to see Wendy's Employee there]

Scott: Got a pumpkin?

Wendy's Employee: ''Oh God. We were supposed to bring pumpkins?''

[Scott holds up a sign reading "DO NOT BRING PUMPKINS", with "NOT" being double underlined]

Scott: I was hoping the invitation would be cryptic in a good way.

Wendy's Employee: Wait...

[Wendy's Employee looks in his pockets, and finds some pumpkins a few seconds later]

Wendy's Employee: Never mind.

Scott: So, what are you supposed to be?

Wendy's Employee: I was going for "person", but everybody's going as that this year.

[Cut to Terry on the couch]

Terry: Oh, come on!

[Back to Scott and Wendy's Employee at the door]

Wendy's Employee: I thought I'd channel my inner Wendy's employee for my costume.

Scott: You ARE a Wendy's employee.

Wendy's Employee: Is it really that convincing?

[Cut to Terry on the couch]

Terry: I have not heard the word "pumpkin" since 67 words ago.

[Back to Scott and Wendy's Employee at the door, and eventually puts up a Dreamcast Visual Memory Unit]

Wendy's Employee: ''I could definitely swing with saying "pumpkin". Say this one!''

Scott: ''Now with the boom on these things, many companies had some kind of revelation, like, they needed to innovate every possible thing. Like, you know how some shoes have software updates now? For the Sega Dreamcast, the memory cards for this system were dubbed VMUs - Visual Memory Units. They were memory cards, sure, but they had a screen and buttons and were their own mini game console. Of course, with that screen, that meant in multiplayer games, you could see things that were exclusive to you - so, Sega could tell me where the antidote was. And then you could unplug the VMU, take it on the go and play little mini-games. It's amazing this idea wasn't ever fully replicated. It's pretty cool, but it's pretty worthless, so that's pretty much why. Like, is this really necessary? This is just another battery you have to worry about, and what's the point when you look over at the PlayStation 2 and that used a f*ckin' saltine for its memory card and everybody in the world owned two of them? The closest a console got to replicating this idea of your own personal screen - had Mario Tennis on it, I'll give it that.''

[Cut to Terry, Scott and Wendy's Employee at the couch]

Wendy's Employee: Whoa, I didn't know pumpkins could save game data.

Terry: They're truly God's favorite.

[The doorbell rings. Scott answers the door to see Jeb Jab there with a pirate hat]

Scott: What are you, a doorway pirate?

Jeb: No, I'm Gex.

Wendy's Employee: I thought he was depressed.

[Scott keeps Jeb from entering]

Scott: Whoa, there, I'm gonna need to see some fruit.

[Jeb holds a pack of lemons]

Jeb: How's this?

Scott: No.

[Jeb now has a cantaloupe]

Jeb: This?

Terry: Ugh!

[Jeb now has a pack of onions]

Jeb: This?

Wendy's Employee: Language!

[Jeb now has a sealed Xbox 360 memory card]

Jeb: This?

Scott: ''Yeah, it's a f*ckin' pumpkin party! Get in!''

Scott: ''So memory cards pretty much stayed ass-boring, but with the original Xbox, they started to become ass-boring AND obsolete. That system had a hard drive built in, which meant you didn't need a memory card, the game saved to the system. Now, you could buy a memory card if you wanted to back up your saves or bring your save files over to a separate Xbox, but who cares? You don't NEED a memory card to save games! This is a f*ckin' party! I never used memory cards to bring my save data over from console to console, I only used them to save game data, so the idea that the Xbox saved it all to the system meant that an Xbox memory card existing is something scholars still don't get. Then with the Xbox 360, they continued this trend, but also allowed for the hard drive to be expanded, but you could still buy memory cards! Xbox 360 memory cards are some of the most worthless flicks of garbage I've ever seen - what's the point? Each 360 had more than enough storage to save games, and if you needed more storage, then why spend all this money on a dinky-ass memory card when you could invest in a beefier hard drive THAT much more? Look at these card sizes - 64 megabytes, 256 megabytes, 512 megabytes. Yeah, these could hold a fly, maybe. To be fair, this one comes with a digital copy of Worms AND a carrying case that fits on a key chain - okay, maybe that makes sense? I get the idea so you can bring your files over to a friend's house, but this was the era of online gaming. It's obvious this was all fading away. I mean, the PlayStation 3 and Wii didn't have them. Sure, you can use GameCube memory cards on Wii when playing GameCube games, so some third-party memory cards said "for Wii" on them, when in reality they were just for GameCube and were preying on the people who didn't know any better. Not me, I'm immune.''

[The doorbell rings. Scott answers to see Rex Mohs with a mirror with sunglasses on it covering his face, holding a pineapple]

Scott: And what are you supposed to be?

Rex: ...You.

[Rex tries to enter]

Others: ''Whoa, whoa, whoa, not today, not today... etc.''

Scott: That's not a pumpkin!

[Rex looks down at the pineapple he's holding]

Rex: (grunts) When I saw the invitation, I thought the "P" said "P", the "U" said "I", the "M" said "N", the "P" said "E", the "K" said "A"...

Scott: Listen, I don't want to hear any excuses.

Rex: I'm fruit blind!

Terry: Can't see fruit.

Jeb: That poor bastard.

Scott: Just - you can't be here with that!

Rex: I have a permit.

[Rex pulls a banana from his pocket, thinking it was his permit. Scott looks in confusion, then Rex looks down at the banana]

Rex: F*ckin' fruit blindness...

Scott: ''It was obvious things were moving in the direction of storage built into the consoles, rather than relying on external carts. But wouldn't you know, at least the PlayStation Portable kept the dream alive - F*CK! Oh - oh, I thought it was a fingernail. Why does a handheld system need a memory card? Same problem with the PlayStation Vita, early models didn't have ANY storage on it, any at all. And even though the games are now on cards, you still needed a memory card. And the PlayStation handheld memory cards are proprietary; they only work on these specific devices. You can't even use a PSP memory card on a Vita or vice versa. They were expensive, too. Why couldn't they just use standard SD cards? The Nintendo 3DS did, and now, the games mostly just saved to the cartridges themselves, which made things crazy simple! You could take a 3DS game you were playing on one system, pop it in another, and boom, the save data is all there and accounted for. Why can't everybody be like Nintendo 3DS game save files?''

[Cut to the living room. Jeb, Terry, Scott and Wendy's Employee are on the couch, with Rex standing outside at the window]

Scott: Alright, what do you guys say we pop some of these suckers in, get an insight into the previous owners?

Terry: Wouldn't be a pumpkin without a background check.

Wendy's Employee: I always wanted to tour a pumpkin studio!

Rex: It's f*ckin' freezing!

Scott: ''Well, let's see what we can discover. First off, my own memory card as a child. Look at this, with so many blocks to spare, too. Yep, I went through a heavy Nickelodeon games phase growing up, but we have all the usual suspects here as well, Pac-Man Fever and me doing nothing for the first 23 years of my life. How old am I? But this one actually came with a used copy of Luigi's Mansion I bought - the guy just forgot his memory card was inside the case. See, a lot of game cases come with inserts for memory cards, much like how most cups come with containers. So let's pop this one in here, and why not, let's check out this one, too.''

[Both memory cards have the same amount of save data]

Scott: What?

Jeb: ''Huh, that's odd. They're basically the same thing.''

Terry: Yeah, like uncle and daughter.

Wendy's Employee: Those are my two biggest fears.

Rex: Mine are isolation and windows.

Scott: ''Okay, well this one's gotta have something good on here. Look at it, this one has more in common with a bookmark than it does a memory card. Wind Waker save file, we got to check this out...''

[We see the file select screen for The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker; the name on the first save file is "hELP"]

Scott: ''Must be code for the name Jim. So this one's gotta be good, there's nothing but ODAMA?!''

Terry: These aren't pumpkins, are they?

Scott: What was your first Hell?

Terry: I knew it, I knew it, every time a pumpkin claims to save Geist data, it's always a scam.

Wendy's Employee: How could I let this happen twice?

Jeb: Right when we found these weren't pumpkins, I knew something was up!

[Rex enters the room through the window]

Rex: Yeah, guys - let's get out of here!

[As everyone was just about to leave, the door closes and locks itself, and the lights suddenly go dark, meaning the Memory Card Ghost has been unleashed. The camera focuses on the Wii, then cuts to Scott]

Scott: It's probably just a rat.

Scott: ''You know, the Xbox 360 surely has some terrible stuff on the memory card. Nothing haunted, mostly christened. Let's just plug it into the Xbox 360 S - where's the memory card port? They took out memory card support in later 360 models, that's my Halloween costume next year.''

[Everyone runs to Scott's desk screaming]

Scott: ''You know what, I don't care! I'm gonna show this ghost what I'm made of!''

Rex: ''Don't harass the ghost! They don't know what harassment is!''

[The ghost proceeds to stab Wendy's Employee in his leg with a PlayStation memory card]

Wendy's Employee: ''Ugh! Oh, not my Leg Day legs! I need them for Leg Days!''

Jeb: His hand is bleeding!

Terry: His eyes aren't blinking.

Scott: His lips are smiling...!

Rex: His dead is showing.

[We briefly see Wendy's Employee lying on the floor, having been killed by the demonic memory card]

Terry: Great, now I'm never gonna be the first of five to die.

Scott: PlayStation 2, for God's sakes, give me something GOOD here!

[On the memory card screen - an "unformatted" screen shows up]

Scott: ''We may be getting haunted, but I'm still disappointed. Some of these things are so old, they're bound to lose their spunk. What's more fun than looking through a memory card and seeing all these games that were played, and all those cool little icons or animations made specifically for the memory card while also getting f*cked by ghosts? It's a really cute aspect of gaming.''

[The Wii is moving back and forth, and Rex is on the floor]

Rex: This reminds me of being outside.

Scott: ''That's it! We need to get this thing outside!''

Jeb: Oh, the clouds, right?

Scott: Exactly!

Terry: ''The only way we're gonna be able to do that is to stun it with something. Stun it with something big, bold, orange...''

[The camera zooms out to reveal a pumpkin right in front of Rex]

Terry: You son of a bitch.

Scott: ''Alright, I'm gonna stun it. Rex, you throw it outside!''

[Scott hits the Wii with the pumpkin, then Rex tries to throw it out the window, but it hits the wall]

Scott: Take off your costume.

[Rex does just that, but the lights come back on]

Rex: F*ck, this is a room?!

[We now see Scott, Jeb, Terry and Rex just by the door. The body of Wendy's Employee is right between Jeb's legs]

Scott: ''Okay, well, thanks for coming. It was a fun party.''

Jeb: And only one death!

Scott: Listen, I'm sorry about -

Terry: ''(interrupting Scott) Nope, not hearing it. That pumpkin had a whole being a pumpkin in front of it. You know how old she was in pumpkin years?''

Rex: ''Oh, that was a pumpkin? Thought you used a napkin.''

Jeb: What's fruit blindness like?

Rex: It's really funny - until you have to identify fruit.

Scott: ''That pumpkin had it coming! It couldn't even be a watermelon!''

Terry: You take that back.

Jeb: Should we take him to a hospital?

Scott: ''No, he's already dead. And I gotta say, first time owning a pumpkin, not impressed.''

Terry: It's not supposed to impress you, it's supposed to evolve you.

[Cut to Scott, back at his desk]

Scott: ''It's a f*ckin' pumpkin, and destroying it was the only way to stop possessed memory cards, TERRY! I never wanted to be in the fandom, anyways! I found one bad person, that means it's the worst! I'm going to bed, I've been practicing being angry in my sleep.''

[Cut to black, then we see the destroyed pumpkin and the Wii. The power light suddenly comes on, meaning the Wii had been possessed by the pumpkin]

[Back at the desk, Scott is asleep, and we see the Wii's shadow in the background. It gets right up in Scott's face, waking him up]

Scott: (muffled screaming) Every Friday night, I'm so sick of -

[Scott is attacked by the possessed Wii, knocking him to the floor]

Scott: We kicked the Davids out of you, what's your problem?!

[Scott throws the Wii at his closet, which it hits]

Scott: ''Wait... it's just sitting there... like a pumpkin!''

[The Wii is shown once again, with the pumpkin fading in above it]

Scott: ''No. I'm not going to let my Wii get possessed by a pumpkin. Of all fruits, pumpkins need to be eaten, not enjoyed. Okay, you have them for two months out of the entire year, and then what, we're back to watermelons. No, okay, I'm glad I got owning a pumpkin out of the way because it'll bump my credit score up. For now, no, we need to end this, regardless of what body you possess!''

[Cut back to the desk]

Scott: ''I ate the f*ckin' Wii. Well, possessed memory cards took my Halloween party hostage, and then the pumpkin I used to knock the cards out repossessed the Wii the cards were in. Busy day. I wonder who owned these memory cards in the past, they may have died, but maybe that pumpkin taking things over might have played God and reverse-engineered their souls. They might be back in business.''

[We quickly cut to the gravestones of Steel Wool and Chet Shaft. Their arms quickly come out from the ground, then we go back to the desk]

Scott: ''Ghosts deserve some praise. It takes a lot of courage to be dead. You know, I might have been a bit hard on the pumpkins, they remind me a bit of memory cards. This one's orange, too. What a pumpkin means to those guys, memory cards mean to me. They're just such fun little experiences to have, with or without possession. And that's how you know you truly care about something. You don't need possession to enjoy it.''

[Wipes to blue. Breakout plays]

[End]

Trivia

 * The episode was delayed by a few days due to Scott Wozniak wanting the episode to be "super good".
 * Wozniak later stated in a Reddit that the episode was one of the most difficult Scott The Woz season 4 episodes to make, stating that "everything went wrong".
 * This was the final episode to feature Wendy's Employee, as he had died from the possessed memory cards. He would later be replaced with Target Employee starting with Speed Dating.