Episode 15: Stop Smoking!

'''Stop Smoking! '''is the 15th episode of Scott The Woz, as well as the 2nd special episode. The video was uploaded on April 20, 2017, by Scott Wozniak on Scott The Woz.

Description
It's time to start smoking to stop smoking.

Characters

 * Scott Wozniak
 * Unnamed smoker

Credits

 * Scott Wozniak as Scott Wozniak

Plot
Scott Wozniak is seen celebrating April 20 (4/20) and decides to use it as an opportunity to try to convince people to quit smoking.

The main way he tries to convince people is by smoking himself, showing that it isn't a good lifestyle to have. Wozniak buys a pack of Marlboro cigarettes and attempts to try one but fails. He tries to put a piece of cheese on it but still fails.

Wozniak looks back on how he tries to attempt smoking and realizes that he has become the thing he was trying to stop. Wozniak then has a flashback to "Pollution Patrol" where hunts down and shoots pollution. While he is shooting, he trips and is confronted by an unnamed smoker, he tries to convince the man to stop but to no avail.

Coming back from the flashback, Wozniak starts smoking again to stop smoking. Right when he's about to begin, he coughs it out into a toilet.

Music

 * Going for a Ride - Robert Farnon
 * The Ecstasy of Gold - The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
 * Magnum PI theme cover - Hitoriste
 * Breakout - 3D Dot Game Heroes

End Cards

 * Star Fox Zero | Bad Game or Baddest Game?
 * Breath of the Wild Isn't Perfect
 * FIRST TIME VAPE SHOP VISIT!

Transcript
[The video opens with Scott Wozniak at his desk with a party blower in his mouth]

Scott Wozniak: Hey all, Scott here!

[He blows the party blower and holds up a lit lighter to the end of it. He then stops blowing it and lightly shakes his head]

Scott: Mm-mm-mm.

[He removes the party blower from his mouth]

Scott: ''Some 4/20, right? Well, I hope you're all spending the holiday wisely- that being at an intervention because smoking makes your neck look like this:''

[An image of a man putting a tube into his neck is shown with a dramatic sound. A picture of a dog in a cone is then shown with another dramatic sound. A final dramatic sound plays as a picture of a woman wearing a choker necklace is shown. It cuts back to the desk]

Scott: ''That's worth at least a double yikes, right? Smoking is the fifth biggest cause of virginity in the US alone! And I think it's time to mark an end to the whole “fumes” thing. That's why I'm going to start smoking to stop smoking. Why would I do such a thing to make myself so anti-healthy? Well, nobody likes smoking.''

''Need some statistics? No problemo:''

[A printed image of a world map is shown on his desk. He points at it with the lighter]

Scott: ''This graph shows that everybody hates smoking. The shapes represent everybody.''

''So many people wanna be the next 'Tobacco Jones' and I'm here to tell them that this whole smoke fad.. is comin' to an end. That's right- I'm going cold turkey from smoking- I.. just.. have to start first.''

[The video cuts to Scott now wearing a jacket]

Scott: ''Well we're off to a rip-roaring start. I went to the local carryout an' I picked up some classic-''

[He is shown placing a pack of Marlboro cigarettes on the desk]

Scott: -Mario Bros. cigarettes.

[He opens the pack and takes a cigarette out]

Scott: An' I'm just gonna give these a solid huff and a puff and a blow.

[He holds the cigarette up to his lips and drops it. It cuts to him dropping and spitting out the cigarette six more times before returning to him sitting at the desk]

Scott: ''Yeah.. getting myself to smoke is proving to be a bit more challenging than I initially thought, so - to trick myself, I'm going-''

[He holds up a cigarette on a piece of cheese]

Scott: ''-to wrap my cigarette.. in this piece of cheese..''

[He rolls the cigarette up with the cheese slice. It cuts to the room full of smoke. Scott has the cheese-wrapped cigarette in his mouth and coughs it out]

Scott: ''Oh, God.. I-I ran it on a fog machine.. so.. we get the ambi-ACK!-ance.. of getting sloshed on nicotine..''

[He wheezes]

Scott: [wheezing] ''Whoo-whee! These fumes weren't made for smokin'!''

[He coughs and sniffs and stares off to the left of the screen for a moment. Dramatic music begins to play. He stands up. It cuts to a shot of a faucet running in a sink in a bathroom. The door opens and Scott enters. He walks over to the sink and cups the water in his hands to splash on his face. The camera cuts to show him standing in front of the mirror. He raises his head and looks at his reflection. He removes his jacket. Scott's echoey voice is heard as he continues to stare at himself]

Scott's Voice: ''I can't do this... Look at me; becoming one of the monsters I used to fight against...''

[The screen ripples and transitions to a scene of the ground outside. The camera pans up to show trees and the text “Pollution Patrol” appears on screen as Magnum PI theme cover by Historiste plays. The music stops as it briefly cuts to show Scott shooting a gun offscreen. It cuts again to show that he is firing at a plastic bag]

Scott: ''Whoof! All in a day's work!''

[He begins to walk away. He is shown tripping and then falling over onto his back with a grunt. He looks at what tripped him. His shoe is shown to be caught in a plastic ring on a log. He sits up slightly and holds his hands out]

Scott: ''Whoah, whoah, whoah! Jesus Christ- sir! Sir! Watch where you're pointin' that thing!''

[The screen becomes filled with smoke]

Scott: ''Whoah! Whoah! ..Now is not the time to toke up! No! Toke it easy, sir! Toke it easy! AH! AHHHH-!''

[The screen fades to white before fading back to the present day. He continues to watch his reflection in the mirror]

Scott's Voice: ''That nicotine fanboy was what made me leave the force that fateful day four hours ago. But the only way to stop that dude-meister from running amok is to stop smoking..! I have to put those forty days worth of anti-drug talk in elementary school to shame! I must.. start smoking.. to stop smoking!''

[He nods determinedly at himself and leaves the bathroom. He sits back down at his desk]

Scott: It's about to smell like angst an' a waste o' money!

[He turns around and takes a cigarette from the pack still on his desk]

Scott: ''I.. am going to be..''

[He picks up the lighter]

Scott: Unstoppable..

[He puts the cigarette in his mouth]

Scott: In this form.

[He clicks the lighter on. It cuts to him opening a toilet lid. He coughs up the cigarette into the toilet]

[Wipes to blue. Breakout plays]

[End.]

Trivia

 * This video was uploaded on April 20 (A.K.A. 4/20 Day), a common day dedicated to marijuana consumption.
 * The segment card for Pollution Patrol heavily resembles the television series Magnum, P.I.'s title card. And as the music playing during the segment is a cover of the theme of Magnum, P.I., it's assumed that it's a reference to the show.
 * In The Legend of Zelda | Tales from the Backlog, it is revealed that since Breath of the Wild Isn't Perfect, Scott Wozniak has had a string around his thumb; however, the string is not visible in the episode.
 * Searching up "Stop Smoking! - Scott The Woz" on Google Chrome has previously made a "Featured Snippet" appear suggesting that the searcher watches 113 seconds into the video (1:53).
 * The episode is the shortest running episode of Scott The Woz Season One, and the entire Scott The Woz Series, having a runtime of 3 minutes and 14 seconds.