Scott the Woz - Why Don't You Play Them

Scott the Woz - Why Don't You Play Them, better known as just Why Don't You Play Them?, is a lyrical song composed by Garrett Williamson that was used in You're Not an RPG Guy: A Scott The Woz Christmas. The song features lyrics from Scott Wozniak, Emma Rose Williamson, Zach Frazier, and Williamson.

Additionally, the song features guitars by Chase Akters, drums by Scott Williamson, and saxophones by Mark Douthit.

Lyrics
Scott Wozniak: It's not FlingSmash, Geist, or Burnout Crash!. Not Mario Party 6 or Ultra Smash. Neither Clubhouse Games or Wii Fit Plus. Nor Family Feud on SNE-us. All the games I played, whether good or bad, ''Have troopes in common. My favorite doo-dads! They may be rushed or plain or flawed, but ain't RPGs. Oh, thank god. Are my tastes just bad? Am I the one to blame? Or is it RPGs that are Dumb. And lame.''

Chorus: Why don't you play them?

Scott Wozniak: They just take so damn long to complete.

Chorus: Why don't you play them?

Scott Wozniak: Sixty hours just to rinse and repeat.

Unnamed female voice: But you can grind for years just to beat that boss, oooh-ooh

Scott Wozniak: Why waste all this time on just one game?

Chorus: Why don't you play them?

Scott Wozniak: Turn-based battles and too much text. I'd rather be out not having sex. Menu clutter and useless stats. And random encounters can kiss my ass! No gameplay till hours in. ''Combat ready! How did I win? The same thing happens over again. And then their fun part comes up when? I missed one thing and now I'm lost. That one inch of text really meant a lot? There's some shop with items I can't afford. So grind for money. You won't be bored! I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm not having fun. There's no other way this can be spun! What do I do? What do I check? It's an RPG. What did I expect?''

Chorus: Why don't you play them?

Unnamed male voice: They're so good, though. You can't have opinions!

Scott Wozniak: Listen, guys.

Chorus: Why don't you play them?

Scott Wozniak: They're not my style!

Unnamed male voice: Start a new file.

Chorus: Why don't you- Why don't- Why- why- Why don't you-

Trivia

 * The jazz segments of the song were composed to sound like instrumental songs from the soundtrack of the 2016 role-playing game Persona 5, while the beginning of the song was composed to sound like One-Winged Angel, the leitmotif of the Final Fantasy character Sephiroth.
 * In early 2021, composer Garrett Williamson discussed the background and production of the song in a Twitch stream. He later reuploaded the stream on his secondary YouTube channel, Garrett Williamson Music, under the title How Scott the Woz's "Why Don't You Play Them" Was Made.