Episode 96: As Seen on TV

As Seen on TV is the 46th episode of Scott The Woz Season 2 and the overall 96th episode, as well as the 4th special episode. The video was uploaded on November 21, 2018, by Scott Wozniak on Scott The Woz.

Description
Happy Thanksgiving! Scott decides to only buy As Seen on TV products before finally deciding he just wants to be seen on TV himself.

Characters

 * Scott Wozniak
 * Unnamed friends of Scott Wozniak

Credits

 * Scott Wozniak as Scott Wozniak
 * Jacob Rahe as an unnamed friend of Scott Wozniak
 * Sam Essig as an unnamed friend of Scott Wozniak
 * Latin American Spanish subtitles by Carlos Burgos

Plot
''Scott decides to complete one of his steps to being more okay with death. This step happens to be only buying as seen on TV products. He then goes over various as seen on TV products like the urine off, Better Sponge, MicroTouch Max, Grab It, and Egg Sitter. Scott then tries out all of these products (except the MicroTouch Max) in that order. He then reveals that he did something that would be eligible for him to be as seen on TV himself. It cuts to a news broadcast about an interview with the last Toys R Us customer, that being Scott. He is then interviewed by the news about his experience. When it ends, he asks the viewer if they couldn’t be the last Toys R Us customer ever. However, it is then revealed that the store will remained open in Canada. Scott then says that after the whole endeavor, he states that one of his four life goals has been fulfilled. However, he ends up buying one more as seen on TV product at the end of the episode.''

Music

 * Me for You - George Callert
 * Hustle and Bustle - Jack Beaver
 * Waltzing Flutes - Gerhard Narholz
 * Good Shape - Richard Myhill
 * Breakout - 3D Dot Game Heroes

End Cards

 * Game Stores
 * Cookin' Hard
 * Get Rich Quick!

Gallery
WIP

Transcript
WIP

Scott Wozniak: Hey all, Scott here!

[ Wozniak's TV turns on]

TV narrator: Do you struggle in strain-

Scott Wozniak: Shit, I'm sold!

Scott Wozniak: ''I've decided to convert to shopping only based on products seen on TV. You see, this little sticker means a whole lot of convenience, and that's really one of my four life goals, to make my life more convenient! If all goes well and these products succeed, I'll be 25% closer to being okay with death.''

Scott Wozniak: ''I'm big into the piss fandom, so when a product claims to rid it from all humanity, I got to see what it's all about. Powerful LED Urine Finder, that's what they used to call me in high school. We can see it works with babies, dogs, and the elderly! And trying it out on my toilet, yep, there's definitely urine in there. Urine-OFF, aka if I only beat them to the copyright on that name. Let's talk sponges! And not just any sponges, better sponges!''

Scott Wozniak: Something better than a sponge?!

Scott Wozniak: ''"The last sponge you will ever want!" Somebody call the ego patrol. Yes, these are not sponges you can use for all kinds of sponge activities. These things won't stop out-sponging anything you throw at them! Next up the MicroTouch MAX, and it has the endorsement of my worst fucking nightmare, Madden 09's cover athlete! I don't know though, this guy does know his hair trimmers, so it's real- oh shit there's a built-in light!''

Scott Wozniak: ''Grab It featuring ratcheting ac- oh shit there's a built-in light! This thing makes it way too easy to grip glass off a shelf. Finally, I can grab glasses!''

[Scott Wozniak releases an alcohol bottle using the Grab It machine, causing the bottle to break]

Scott Wozniak: Grab It is helping me fulfill my dream of being 25% closer to death!

Scott Wozniak: ''Finally, we have a product that helps me fulfill one of my wildest fantasies... Egg Sitter. It's about fucking time I can sit on an egg! This thing is supposed to be used for pure comfort, but if I see you walk into the room with an Egg Sitter, you fucking better have an egg in that pocket.''

Scott Wozniak: ''Well, that was a fun $140 wasted! I think the only thing I can strive for at this point is to be As Seen On TV myself! Listen, I did something crazy over the summer, totally worthy of the local news.''

[a special news report turns on with the subject being "An Interview With The Last Toys R Us Customer Ever"]

Scott Wozniak: ''Hi, my name is Jick. Uh, my friends call me Todd, but uh, my real name is Scott. Bankruptcy is in the air, and I took full advantage of it at the last minute! This right here is what us Ohioans refer to as a Toys R Us. Toys R Us came out of the closet and declared bankruptcy, and here we are mere months after the store decided to fuck out.''

Scott Wozniak: ''Yeah, when Toys R Us was closing, I realized I could finally fulfill one of my four goals in life: to be the last customer at Toys R Us ever! It was crazy. It was like a building... like a giant cube... four sides... One top. I had a blast feeling superior to everybody else. Just the mere idea of being the last customer at a store is a quick and easy addition to any ego! So in terms of the last products bought at a Toys R Us... first up here's the credit card that I used... Feel free to put that in the history books. Uhh, I picked up Delivery Man starring Vince Vaughn and an adapter for a breast pump. I can't wait to tell everybody that I was Toys R Us' last customer. It's just something that defines me now.''

[another subject within the special report pops up, asking "How Do Others Feel About Scott Being The Last Toys R Us Customer Ever?"]

Unnamed friend of Scott Wozniak: ''Man. Ever since we were kids, he told me he'd be the last guy in a Toys R Us... ''

Other unnamed friend of Scott Wozniak: He did what?!

Scott Wozniak: ''What do you think about that? Bet you couldn't be the last Toys R Us customer ever.''

[two news articles pop up, with one showing that Toys R Us would still have stores open in Canada, due to it's Canada branch being sold off to Fairfax, and another showing that Toys R Us was going to open new stores in the United States of America under a new name]

Scott Wozniak: Well after buying all those As Seen On TV products and being As Seen On TV myself, I think one of my four life goals has finally been fulfilled, and I'm actually finally over buying all those As Seen On TV produ- 

[the video briefly cuts to a commercial for the As Seen On TV product Magic Ear on Wozniak's TV, after which Wozniak is seen holding a Magic Ear]

Scott Wozniak: Son of a bitch!

Trivia

 * With an exception of Breakout from 3D Dot Game Heroes, none of the music in the video is from video games.
 * The episode is the shortest running episode of Scott The Woz Season Two, having a runtime of 3 minutes and 36 seconds.